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Manipulative Mind – When your ego tries to take control

This past week has been the hardest so far in this whole process of change that I have been experiencing. Last week, I took the step that I would label as the “event” in this particular process or cycle that I am working my way through: I moved Scout to his new temporary home.

As of  the time of my last blog post thought I was very well prepared for this and on some level I was. What I was not prepared for was how my ego was going to respond to it. For those of you who are unfamiliar, when I talk about the ego I am talking about that little voice in the back of your mind that tells you you can’t do something, or that you aren’t good enough. In preparation for this post I also found this more Psychoanalytical definition: “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.”

When the day of the move came I was experiencing a lot of anticipation which is natural for me. Whenever I have moved Scout in the past I always experience some tension and stress the day of the move so I wasn’t worried about it. I packed everything up, loaded him on the trailer and we were on our way.

When we reached our destination, however, the level of tension and nervousness I was feeling ratcheted up to a level way beyond what I ever expected. My stomach was in knots and my whole body was tense. I could barely focus and I would occasionally feel dizzy. Meanwhile, I am trying to hold myself together because there are a lot of unfamiliar people around. This I am sure didn’t help the situation.

I really couldn’t get a read on why I was feeling the way I was feeling. All I knew was that the last time I experienced emotions that were this strong was in when I was in Iowa and was going through the process of discovering that that wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I eventually realized that this was all about me, and not about Scout, because he had settled in and was acting completely like himself.

When I went home later that night I was able to calm myself down and felt better. When I woke up the next day though I worked myself back up into this tense and worried mess. At first I couldn’t tell if I was just sick or if I was just having a fear reaction like the night before. I spent most of the day feeling dizzy with my stomach in knots. It came in waves and I kept getting the feeling that I wanted to get out and move. I manage to get from where I was pet sitting to home and while there I realized that I was having another fear response.

I reached out to Michele and she told me that I was just feeling the shift and that if I could step forward and feel it rather than freeze that I would break through it. She told me that this was my ego sabotaging me into questioning my choices. She encouraged me to use my crystals – which I had immediately gravitated towards –  and also recommended a couple of essential oils.

Funnily enough I had already looked up and found two essential oil blends to help me through what I was almost certain was a panic attack.  Looking back these two oils – doTERRA Balance and Peace – were what really allowed me to cut through that fear that was running rampant through me and allow myself to truly feel and assess what was going on. I was able to continue with what I needed to get done that day and then felt calm and settled enough to go over and see Scout.

On the drive over I was reminded of my strategy of being present in change and just tried to stay really focused on what was going on in that moment and not get sucked into the cyclical negative and fear based thoughts that were making me so stressed out and panicky. You see most of what was making me so anxious that day was fear and anxiety about how I had responded the night before and worrying whether I would respond that way again, and what it would mean if I responded that way and on and on and on.

Throughout that whole day the one thing that kept me from going completely off the rails was the fact that Scout was fine. When I had left the night before he was eating and he was chill and he was not acting at all like he had any worries in the world.

He was the same when I arrived there. He was just hanging out in the paddock. I didn’t have any overwhelming negative response and I took him out and played with him. I left feeling much more relaxed.

Everyday since I have continued to work through these feeling of tenseness and anxiety that is my ego trying to make me feel about my decision and this change. I have continued to use the oils to cut through the physical and chemical aspect of the anxiety and my stones to support the energetic aspect. I have spent some time identifying the strategies my ego uses to manipulate me. Here are a few examples:

  • It presents me with A LOT of “what ifs . . .?” i.e “What if you are feeling this way because this is not where you are suppose to be?” “What if something really is wrong?”
  • My ego tries to tell me that I don’t want to do things that I love doing. i.e. working with crystals or even playing with my horse (I always know my ego is acting up here because there is no way I will ever want to stop working with horses)
  • my body reacts like it is in fight or flight situation. My ego jumps on top of any stress that I may be feeling and takes advantage of it by supplying “what ifs”

Another key indicator for me that this was all ego based when I look back at this experience was the lack of a sense of why I was feeling the way I was. There was no true “gut feeling” or guidance that I could identify. It all circled back to fear of what I was feeling not what was actually happening.

Perhaps the hardest part for me throughout the past week was feeling like I couldn’t trust myself because of the thoughts that my ego was putting in my head. I want to share with you all a quote that I found very helpful in the past few days by Wayne Dyer who talks a lot about the ego and how you can learn to manage it.

“Do not abandon trust when your ego thinks things should be different then they are.”

I feel think this quote just hits home completely for what I am going through in this moment. This whole experience has been about trust from the very beginning, starting with the message that my fabulous horse gave to me.

In the past week I have once again learned so much about myself and how I progress and grow. I want to share with you all the strategies that I have found help me to best keep my ego from consuming my thoughts:

  • Using doTERRA’s Balance and Peace essential oil blends on my pulse points as frequently as needed.
  • Two drops of doTERRA Copaiba essential oil taken internally with water.
  • Stones – Serpentene, black tourmaline, lepidolite, and citrine.
  • Getting out and moving – this keeps me from freezing in place and becoming overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings. It also helps me to release the physical tension or unsettled feeling that I get.

If you look back at the definition of ego that I provided earlier you will see that it mentions something called “reality testing”. This resonates very strongly with me for what is going on for me in this moment in time. My ego is testing my reality by trying to sabotage the choices that I am making. If you find that that resonates with you as well I urge you to make the effort to identify how your ego operates and develop strategies to help you to overcome it. It is amazing the amount of good we can do for ourselves if only we have the desire and the strategies to do so.

As always I hope that my story helps you along on your own journey and if you have any questions or comments I would love to hear from you!

Namaste

Not So Unexpected Changes – Learning to Embrace Change Rather than Avoid It.

Despite what I would like to think, change isn’t something that just suddenly happens. Change is a process. It ebbs and it flows. As you know if you have been following me on Facebook or Instagram I have been going through some pretty significant change this month and making a lot of discoveries about how I handle change. I wanted to share the full story with you all because I feel like I learn best from experiences even if they aren’t my own and I hope my story can help you identify your own habits where change is involved.

I want to start out by saying that change is not my favorite thing. I am very happy to just stay inside my little bubble of perceived routine. This change that I am experiencing now is not something that has come out of left field, taking me by surprise and causing me to make a quick decision. It is a change that I have been aware of for well over a month now. What makes it new and different for me is that my own change is being spurred be a change in one of the lives of my good friends.

My friend Michele is moving out of the country and it is all happening a lot faster than we originally expected. Michele is exceptional at flowing with change and going where she is called to go so when the timeline sped up she didn’t even bat an eye. Me on the other hand . . . not so much. It is my innate response when I feel things are moving too fast and the pressure is building I tend to slow down and back off of what I think I ought to be doing. I don’t necessarily do this consciously but when I look back I can see it very clearly.

About two weeks ago this was the state I was in. I found myself falling into an unmotivated funk that I couldn’t understand at the time. After I spent an entire day reading and ignoring my responsibilities my horse, Scout, decided to enlighten me.

When I woke up the morning after my day of reading I  had a text from Michele saying that she had woken up to find Scout outside of the paddock. When she went out to investigate later she found that he had pulled down most of the upper paddock when he got out. This concerned both of us because he was going to be moving to a new place soon that  only had electric. He had gotten out a couple of times before but had recently been very good about respecting the fence. I told her I would check in with him and see if I could figure out what was going on.

It turns out what I thought was about him really ended up being about me. When I first sat down to meditate with him I didn’t get much because my brain was in the way. I was worrying too much about the “implications” of his actions and how they would affect the move. When I finally calmed myself down to connect with him I kept getting the sense from him that with this breakout he was trying to bring my attention to something. From there I got the sense that he was trying to make the situation real. He was trying to make me come to terms with the fact that he was ready to move and it was time for me to make sure I was. He made me aware of the fact that I was separating myself from the fact that the change was happening, both with myself and Michele. I had been kind of sticking my head in the sand and not fully acknowledging it. He then delivered the sucker punch:

She has been so influential in your life but it is time for you to step into your own knowing and believe that you are fully capable of making these decisions on your own. It is time for you to rely on you.

In essence, he broke out of the paddock to bring attention to the fact that I needed to break out of the pattern of avoidance that I was following around this change and start making the decisions I needed to make to move him.

This opened me up to the next lesson in this whole series of events which was to trust myself and not get caught up in my mind.

Because he had broken out of the electric fence I was now feeling really unsure about the place that I was planning on moving him because it also would only have electric and he was going to be there by himself for a while. Michele had also suggested to me after he broke out that he may need a busier, more stimulating environment where I could ride and work with him more.

Not knowing what to do, I worked myself up into quite the anxious worried mess over the next couple of days trying to figure out what the “right” decision was. I over-analyzed every thought and feeling trying to find the answer. I knew I should try and take this opportunity to learn how to better handle change but I couldn’t figure out how to stop myself from over thinking everything and get out of my head. I was making a mountain out of a mole-hill.

After a few days of this I was finally able to have a long conversation with Michele about everything I was feeling. She told me that it was all about identifying what I needed and then gathering information without letting my brain run away with me. In talking through everything with her I also became aware that Scout didn’t really care where he was as long as I was there and I was able to work with him more than I had been. This was all about me, as it had been from the very beginning.

And then – once again – the kicker of the lesson was delivered. Michele and I realized that I had misunderstood her. When she had suggested to me that she thought Scout would need a busier environment I had interpreted it as permanently and, because I trust her and value her opinion, I changed my plan and began looking at other places than what I had planned. What she had actually meant was that she thought he needed to be at a busier place until he was no longer going to be alone at the place I had originally planned on moving him to.

In this situation I trusted her more than I trusted myself and even though our plans ended up lining up in the end I still let her opinion change my mind about something that I had felt was the right decision. My anxiety over this whole problem stemmed from the fact that I held her opinion over mine. In our talk I realized this and she also pointed it out to me as well.

It all circles back to the message that my very wise horse gave me about stepping into my own knowing and relying on myself. I am happy to say that I am far less anxious than I was for those few days and am continuing to learn more and more about how to better handle change.

One of the strategies that has been helping me is to be present in change. One of the things that I struggled with during those anxious few days was that I was spending most of my time trying to figure out what the future was going to look like after the change than I did actually working through the change and taking the steps I needed to take. I talk about this more in this Crystal Tip Tuesday video on my Facebook page.

Another realization that I have gleaned from this whole experience is that change isn’t an event. It doesn’t have a beginning and an end. Throughout this process I have been thinking and acting like this decision I was making was a final decision and I couldn’t change it. Subconsciously my mind was telling me that I had to make the “right” decision because I wouldn’t be able to change it. This stemmed from a fear of being wrong.

The last thing I want to share with you all is what I learned about vulnerability. I have procrastinated writing this piece even though I told you all on my Facebook page and in that video that I would have it to you by then of last week. I could lie to you all and tell you it is because I have been busy with all the changes that are happening but the truth is that I had plenty of time. I have been avoiding it because I was scared of exposing my vulnerability. I felt like I was exposing weakness to all of you by admitting in writing just how anxious and out of control I felt and still feel somewhat. Exposing your vulnerabilities to others, I have realized, also opens you up more fully to yourself exposing all of your fears not just the ones that you are choosing to share. They all want to be acknowledged but often times we don’t know how to do that so we lock them away. There is something very freeing about sharing or exposing your vulnerabilities, even if it is just with yourself. Sit down and ask yourself what makes you feel exposed; What don’t you want other people to see? From there you can work through why you feel that way and move towards fully acknowledging and accepting what you are afraid of.

I strongly believe that all the work I have been doing with my stones this year has prepared me for this series of changes that are occurring. I have written about self-love, forgiveness and fear and all of the strategies and stones involved in that work have acted as support for me in the last couple of weeks and onward.

I wanted to share this experience with you all because we all experience change and if  my experience and the lessons that I have learned can help someone else than I want to share them. If you have any questions or just need someone to bounce your ideas about change off of please don’t hesitate to contact me. I am happy to help in any way that I can.

Namaste

How My Creativity – and Crystals – Led Me to Face My Fears

When I first began writing this piece I did not expect it to become this deep and meaningful dive into how to deal with fear. I set out wanting to share with you guys how my creativity in the last few weeks has shed light on to some fear and self doubt and then share the guidance the crystals had on the matter. The crystals had other plans however, and what I thought was going to be simple and light has been revealed to be much more meaningful than I could have ever imagined. With that being said, I am going to start at the beginning and share with you exactly how this experience shifted beyond my expectations.

In the past few weeks I have become addicted to making hemp bracelets. I have been creating and creating and creating all of the time. I am so in love with this feeling of creativity as it is so uplifting and expansive but this much creativity has left me with a mountain of bracelets. My intent has always been to share them with the world through an Etsy shop but I have found taking that step harder than I originally expected it to be. As I go through the process of listing all of my creations – a daunting feat considering the number of them – my desire to create just keeps getting stronger and stronger. The more I create the more I learn and the more my pieces express my growth.

This growth then makes me insecure about sharing my earlier creations. I wonder if I should even post them. What if people don’t like them? My ego has begun supplying me with a number of reasons why should not share my work, most of which circle back to me feeling like they aren’t perfect. I was afraid of pieces being received as sub-par in comparison to some of my others.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this fear went much deeper than just self-doubt. It was a deeper feeling that I knew had been there for a while and was holding me back from being my true self and stepping into what I am meant to  be doing.

It is a fear of being seen.

I am super confident behind a keyboard and in my writing and I think that is because I don’t have to experience first hand someone’s reaction to what I am saying. When I talk to someone in person or even put myself out there on social media in a more active way I am opening myself up to judgment and criticism. Now, I have been stepping out of my comfort zone in the last month and a half and have become more visible by posting more on social media and starting a video series on my Facebook page but I have still been struggling with reaching out to people personally.

When I talk to someone personally, more so in person than through text or email, my nerves and fear of judgement and criticism get the better of me and I lose my voice. I then feel like I am not representing myself well and I get frustrated with myself. After the fact I ask a lot of what if questions and dig a pretty deep hole of self-doubt for myself. So I find myself avoiding this type of interaction.

Thus, my creativity in the last couple of weeks has allowed me some reprieve from this fear, but now, as I start listing y work and stepping out into the open it is coming up again. Now, in order to move forward I had to do some work around this. Immediately after I made the decision to work with this fear my large Herkimer diamond came to mind to support me and as I prepared to sit and do the work my apophylite and stilbite combination also jumped out to help me.

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My large Herkimer diamond (left) and the apophylite/stilbite (right).

Both of these stone felt super high vibrational from the moment I picked them up and were more than ready to dive into the work. I got the sense that the Herkimer diamond was going to be speaking to my fear and that the apophylite/stilbite was going to speak to my creativity. I felt that both of the stone together were going to clear unwanted and unhelpful patterns from my energetic body. Before I had even picked them up to meditate I could feel the shift in my body. The stones had a lot more to say than I was expecting and not just about what I was going through, but about fear in general. Herkimer diamond started things off with this lecture:

“Your fear comes from a place deep inside you left mostly unexplored. Your mind skates over it in favor of more bright and shining places but it still lingers, silently weighing you down. 

When you give your fears a voice, when you let them express themselves two things can happen. 1) The fear can be released or 2) the fear can consume you. 

Despite how it might feel, you have control over both outcomes. This control comes from how you choose to receive your fear and is tied deeply to the stage you are at in your life. Your environment and outside influences can affect how you receive your fear. If you seek your fear before you have fully identified it you will find yourself surprised by it and slipping into option two. 

If you have steadily observed it, making note of when and where it appears in your life you are more likely to experience option one. 

This is not to say that one option is right and one option is wrong. You can learn a lot facing a fear before it is ready to be released. You  can gain insight into the birth of the fear, its growth and development through your current life or the lives of your ancestors. 

Each time you face the fear you learn more and more about it and the more you learn about it the less it consumes and controls you. The more you seek to understand it, the more it transforms from fear into motivation. You embrace it. It becomes a part of you and you find that you eventually end up at option one.”

Apophylite/stilbite jumped in right where the herkimer left off:

“When that fear is integrated you are given a direct line to your soul. Those moments after you have fully accepted a piece of yourself for exactly what it was are the pinnacle of peace. Bask in that energy, allow it to fully penetrate every cell in your body. Let it bring you visions of your future and of your past. Feel what it means to truly love yourself. Pay attention to your dreams and the people you attract into your life. Observe how accepting a piece of yourself has shifted your reality.”

For minutes after these messages came through I just sat and basked in the energy of these crystals. I held the apophylite/stilbite to my heart and felt shivers through my body as I thought about my fears. I felt the clarity of these crystals clearing the energy from my body. I do not believe that these fears are fully released and integrated but I do feel lighter and brighter and more joyful moving forward.

I also caught a glimpse of some other fears.

The key for me will be not to get discouraged by the appearance of more fears. It only means that I am growing, that I am moving through the lessons that my soul has to learn. This shift doesn’t happen overnight and I urge those of you that are facing your fears realize that it is okay to slip. It is okay to step back and take time to gather yourself.

That being said, I would highly recommend using crystals to help support you in this work. Even if you don’t have access to herkimer diamond or apophylite/stilbite I urge you to sit down with the stones that you do have and let them help you. Choose one stone to support you in facing your fears and another to help you sit in the vibration afterword. Remember that there is no right or wrong to this. Choose the stones that draw you to them.

Remember also that this is not necessarily a “one and done” exercise. I most definitely need to spend some more time sitting with this exercise and working through what presents itself to me. Take the time it takes. It’s about the journey.

As always, I would love to hear about any experiences you have in your own work with crystals and fear. The more I work with crystals the more I realized that they are so much more than just tools to be used. They are our guides through this work, sharing their energy to shift us into a better state of being. I am forever grateful to them for sharing their gifts with me and in turn allowing me to share them with you!

Namaste to you all! Until next time!

Emily

Embracing Forgiveness Through Stillness

This whole adventure started when I sat down and selected stones to support me in my weekly intentions. This particular week I had decided to work on something that had really been nagging at me: forgiveness. In the last few weeks of February I began to notice that there were a number of instances where I had been reminded of past events that had hurt me. I realized that I still had a lot of unresolved emotion around these events and the people involved and became aware that holding on to these emotions was holding me back from moving forward. I decided that I needed to do some more focused work with forgiving myself and others and what better way to do this than with crystals!

Funnily enough, the night before I chose the stones I was guided a forgiveness ritual as I was journaling before heading to bed for the night (Stay tuned this comes into play for you later ;p) . It just made perfect sense at that moment that forgiveness was going to be what I was working on for the week. Anyway, the stone that jumped out as my guide in this work was a small zoisite heart that I have had for a very long time. Despite having it for so long I had never worked with this stone as extensively as I have in the past week and a half.

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It immediately struck me as significant that this stone was both green and shaped like a heart as I knew intuitively that this forgiveness work was going to be completely heart centered. However, when I sat down and tried to connect into the stone I wasn’t getting any messages. Through a lot of trial and error I have learned not to jump to the conclusion that this means I will not be able to do the work I want to do. Instead, I start asking myself or the stone questions become aware of any impressions I get or thoughts that pop into my mind. In this case, when I paused to ask questions another stone popped into my head that had also been catching my eye a lot in recent days: a heart shaped golden sheen obsidian. It struck me immediately once again that this stone was heart shaped.

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This time, when I sat down to meditate with zoisite in my left hand and obsidian in my right, the information just started flowing.

I knew immediately that this was going to be a writing experience. I knew that the only way I was going to be able to convey the significance of this work was to provide all of you with a detailed account of my own personal experience. Next came images of landscapes – grassy plains, mountains, open sky. All of them were empty. All were still and quiet. I just sat and basked in this stillness finding it refreshing and incredibly peaceful. It is at this point that the true name of this experience was revealed to me: “Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness”. The longer I sat however, the more I felt like something needed to be drawn out from behind my heart in order to access the feelings I needed to do the ritual that I had thought up the night before. To help pull these feelings out I held the obsidian to my heart for a few minutes.

I started to feel very raw and a little shaky – like a shift had been made energetically.

I was then guided the image of a crystal grid in a lemiscate or figure eight/infinity pattern. I saw the energy flowing slowly in this grid and through me as I held the two stones in opposite hands resting on my knees and heard these words:

“You have to draw up the feelings from a place of objectivity or you are merely adding fuel to the fire.”

In other words, in order to release the negative feelings you have towards a person or event you have to draw them up with out becoming immersed in them. You have to be able to look at the experience from the outside to truly identify and name what you are releasing and forgiving in yourself or others. At this point, my brain nearly imploding from all the insight, I brought myself out of the meditation and set about building the grid pictured below. I yawned a lot as I did this which, for me, has always been a sign that I am releasing something or have experienced a significant energetic shift.

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“Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness” – made up of zoisite, golden sheen obsidian, small hematite tumbles, clear quartz points, and a tourmalated quartz center stone.

It wasn’t over yet. My second session with these stones was much more intense than the first. This session took place in the evening and as I flitted around my room preparing to do this work I kept getting this urge to do this session without any clothes on. At first I dismissed it, but the more preparation I did the stronger the feeling got and I realized that this clearly was going to be a part of the work I was doing that night.

When I sat down, the room lit by candles, the only thing in contact with my body was the floor and the stones. I removed everything that was not a part of me, including my glasses and the hair tie holding back my hair. I had to be completely and totally myself. When I closed my eyes to begin I fell immediately into this sense of stillness and heard these words:

“I sit here, stripped bare, ready to open my heart to true forgiveness. By baring my body, I bare my soul.”

After this, triangles became a very prominent theme. I saw them in my minds eye and when I opened my eyes on occasion I noticed that I was sitting in front of a triangular grid that I had made in previous weeks and that the  candles I had lit were also arranged in a triangular shape.

I was also guided the image of a “mind, body, spirit” triangle where the mind and the body made up the base and spirit was represented at the point. I got the impression that this image was meant to communicate the importance of building a strong foundation by taking care of your mind and body so that you may better communicate with your more spiritual aspects. This made sense to me as triangles are one the strongest shape.

Looking back I think this concept is why I also felt called to perform a lymphatic drainage massage on my face and clear out my K27 meridian points which are located just below your collar bones on both the left and the right side of your body. I think I was preparing my body for deeper work.

Following this pattern,  work on my mind came next. During this work on my body I felt very empowered and sensual. When I finished the lymphatic massage, I realized that I was really resisting this feeling of sensuality. The more I opened myself up the this feeling the more the true purpose of this night’s work was revealed. This session was all about forgiving myself for the way I have shamed my physical body and letting go of that shame by expressing my sexuality and celebrating my body.

The longer I sat there holding the stones and breathing into this feeling of empowerment and sensuality the more I could feel the energy building in my sacral and heart chakras. I was basking in the joy of accepting my physical body and letting go of shame.

I also kept seeing images of indigenous people and observing how unashamed they were to show their physical bodies. The stones closed this experience with the following message.

“True freedom is knowing you can be completely yourself, uninfluenced by the thoughts of those around you. Freedom is not outside of one’s self. Freedom is found within when one can look at themselves and say ‘I love you’.”

The morning after this work I was still feeling very light and happy and open. Everything felt still, content, and serene. I was amazed at the insights I was gaining through this work. Little did I know that the best was yet to come.

I went into my third session feeling, tired, on edge, and easily irritated. I wasn’t exactly sure why but I had been feeling this way for the majority of the day. Because of this I immediately felt drawn to ground myself through my Earth Star chakra (This chakra is located about six inches below your feet and is highly attuned to the energy of Mother Earth). When I closed my eyes, I felt like I was seconds away from falling asleep where I was sitting. In my mind’s eye I could see the lemiscate shape of the grid and feel the energy moving through it. At first the energy was racing around, but the longer I sat there the more I realized that I could control the flow of the energy and got the impression that the illusion of  feeling out of control is what made me anxious and frustrated.

I could also feel a tightness in my heart chakra and got the message, “What are you holding on to?” I tried to let go of the tightness and this helped some but I found that without truly identifying and putting a name to what it was I was holding on to I could not fully let go of it.

When I paused to record this information an experience immediately popped into my mind that could be related to all the emotions I had been feeling that day. Two and a half years ago I went out to Iowa with the intention of going to chiropractic school. When I arrived out there I received my first ever energetic two-by-four to the side of the head that knocked me clean off what I perceived to be the path leading to the rest of my life. I won’t go into the details here as it is a long story (you can read it here if you want all the gory details). Needless to say it was a highly emotional experience that had me returning home less than a week after arriving.

As I sat writing, I realized that the tightness I was feeling in my heart was the fear that something like this event would happen to me again. I desperately want to make sure that I am living out my true purpose. I love doing so many different things that I often confuse myself and manufacture my own anxiety by trying to make myself choose between them. This experience was making me aware that I need to learn to identify the difference between feeling uncomfortable because I am growing and changing and feeling uncomfortable because I am not being myself.

Now that I had given a name to the feeling I felt that I was finally ready to truly let go of it and let me just say that it was one of the most powerful experiences I have had working with crystals. When I picked up the zoisite and obsidian from the grid I immediately felt a lot of energy move up and down my spine making me shiver and be unable to sit still. I breathed through this until I became acclimated to the energy. Then I began to speak.

Out loud I began to name all of the feelings that I was letting go of around this. Among them was the fear of it happening again and the blame I had been placing on myself for allowing it to happen in the first place. This led to a huge emotional release where I finally felt all of the emotions I had buried. To put it simply I started balling which is something that is completely out of the norm for me.

I also remember specifying to myself that letting go does not mean forgetting, it just means that you are no longer letting those past thoughts, events, people, or feelings to affect you. They will always be a part of who you are but they no longer have control.

After this releasing phase I began to vocalize all of the things all of the things that I was accepting. Funnily enough I cannot remember many of these.

As I approached the end of this night’s work, I expressed the fear that I would still feel all of these feelings after this experience. In response I received the message “there are no quick fixes” and got the impression that not all of my problems were going to be solved in one night. I am on a journey of never ending self improvement and that means that I will forever be learning and growing from my experiences.

This experience was so profound for me that I couldn’t help but share it with you. This grid is one of the strongest I have ever built and by no means do I feel like I am done working with it. Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness has become my intention for the month of March and this grid will be set up for the duration of this month – if not longer. I invite you to take a few minutes and sit in its energy and let it guide you in your own healing experience. In these three sessions this grid has revealed to me three aspects of my being that I was not aware were having such a profound effect on my life.

That being said, I want share with you all the forgiveness ritual that that I mentioned at the beginning of this post. In this video I guide you through your own healing work with a stone of your choice or with this grid. I hope that helps you identify and release what is holding you back. I would love to hear about your experience!

Namaste to you all.

Taking Care of Your Physical Body with Rhodonite

Taking care of your physical body is a necessity of continuing spiritual growth. To neglect the health of your body is to limit the reach of the soul. Be aware of the aches in your body because in them are opportunities to grow through self-healing

~Rhodonite

I came into the past week really feeling pushed to make a change in the way I was taking care of my physical body. I was tired of the stomach aches and of the mind fog that kept me from really interacting the way I would have liked with everything going on around me. I couldn’t process information as quickly as I wanted, and my body felt heavy. When I made it my intention to focus on giving my physical body what it needed the stone rhodonite immediately jumped out and wanted to help support me in this. In my initial meditation with the stone, I received the message quoted above as well as guidance to really tune into what my body needed as far as diet and exercise in order to support all of the energetic change that was occurring in my life. It wanted me to make note of the foods that made me feel sluggish or unmotivated and which made my head foggy. I could already identify a number of the foods that irritated my system – primarily gluten and dairy – so I eliminated them from my diet. I planned to eat more vegetables and drank at least one green drink (doTERRAs TerraGreens) a day. I also became aware that I needed to support my lymphatic system more as toxins were removed from my body. I added a red calcite gem elixir to my army of crystal elixirs and performed  lymphatic drainage massage on my face in an attempt to remove build up and I wore my rhodonite stone in a necklace around my neck as energetic support throughout the day.

I did well for the first few days. I could definitely feel a difference in my body after just a couple of days of clean eating. I felt lighter energetically, I had more energy, and my head was less foggy in the afternoon. These observations became even more clear when I fell off the wagon on Friday. A lunch date and birthday dinner had me eating foods that were heavy in dairy, gluten and carbohydrates and this trend carried into the weekend. I found myself feeling more tired, sluggish, energetically heavy and – surprisingly – hungrier than I had been when I was eating less at the beginning of the week. It was as if my body was craving food not because I didn’t eat enough, because I definitely did, but because I didn’t eat what my body needed and thus it wasn’t satisfied. Early in the week I had also received a message from rhodonite about cravings. It said “You want those foods for the instant gratification of ‘feeling good’ that they give you emotionally. When you are craving something you know you can’t have ask yourself why you want it. What is going on spiritually or emotionally to make you crave it?” This is something that I am going to keep in mind as I continued to work with rhodonite and jump back on the healthy eating wagon once more!

Now, It turns out that rhodonite wasn’t only working on me this week. When I went up to see my horse Scout on Saturday he was being all cuddly and cute nuzzling me like he sometimes likes to do. The more he did it, however, the more I realized that he was gravitating towards my necklace which had the rhodonite tumble in it.

When I took the stone out of the cage and showed it to him, he naturally tried to eat it first but then he dropped his head and his eyes got all half lidded like he was taking a nap. For those of you that don’t know horses, when they lower their heads it is a sign of relaxation. Now, as he is sitting there just basking in the vibes of the crystal I am thinking about why he would be enjoying this stone so much. Then I remembered that he had been having some digestive upset with some diarrhea in the past week. I wasn’t too worried as I have realized through tracking it that this is cycle he goes through about once a month. It normally only lasts a few days and he never stops acting like his goofy self. This time it seemed to be lasting a little bit longer though. When I was feeding him dinner earlier in the week it occurred to me that the hay might have been prolonging this digestive episode as it was slightly candied and very sweet. I got the sense that he felt like we would if all we at for a week were desserts.

Looking back on all of this I realized that the Rhodonite stone that I had been wearing helped me tap into what was going on physically for my pony and make the changes he needed. Saturday was the only day he actively sought the stone for himself and I believe it was because he needed a little extra support re-configuring his body much in the same way as I am seeking to reconfigure my own. This just goes to show how much our animal companions mirror us, sometimes in order to bring attention to issues with our own health, and how the energies of crystals are just as beneficial to them as they are for us. If you would like some more information on how you or your furry friends can benefit from the energy of crystals, please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions or to schedule a session!

Namaste!

The Importance of Self-Love

Self love is probably one of the hardest concepts for us to grasp as humans. With so much going on in our outer world, we hardly ever take the time to look within. Those times that we do turn our eyes to ourselves it is almost always with criticism: “My nose is too long” “My thighs are too big” “I don’t pay enough attention to my family” ‘I really suck at communicating”. Whatever our go-to phrase is, we often bully and shame ourselves into trying to do better but it doesn’t work. The reason this doesn’t work is because of the low vibration of energy that you are using to try and create change.

When you bully yourself, you feel badly which lowers your vibration and makes it hard to find the motivation to do what you actually want to do or change what you want to change. I think it is safe to say that most people have the desire to be happy in their life and if we take a minute to think about the feeling of happiness we find that it is a very uplifting, high vibrational energy. It is difficult to achieve happiness if we are stuck in the low vibration cycle of criticism and shaming. So how to we break this cycle?

Self-love. Now, this is really easy to say but monumentally hard to do because when I say “self-love” what I really mean is “unconditional self-love”. Imagine how you would feel if you loved yourself as much as your dog loves you. Animals are unbelievable examples of unconditional love. We have all seen the videos on Facebook of dogs playing with deer, of the cat saving a puppy from a ravine, and of the whale saving the human from a shark. How can we achieve that level of unconditional love towards ourselves?

We have to start small. We have to be kinder to ourselves. When we make a perceived “mistake”, instead of beating ourselves up about it we have to move on to what we have learned from the situation. How has this situation better prepared us for when this happens again? When we find ourselves slipping into the cycle of self-deprecation we need to remind ourselves what we love about ourselves. We need to find a way to support ourselves and our goals in a way that raises our vibration so we can attract more of what we want.

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As you may have guessed but now, one great way of raising your vibration and promoting self-love is with the help of crystals. The number one go-to stone for love of any kind is rose quartz. This pink stone is the ultimate comfort stone. Its energy is a soothing balm to the emotions and uplifting in its support of the heart chakra.

The heart chakra governs the feeling of love, joy and happiness so if you find that you are really struggling with any of these things working with a stone that supports this chakra is going to be very beneficial.

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Another helpful stone for supporting the heart chakra is chrysoprase. This green stone also helps to break cycles and thought patterns as well as promoting forgiveness making a really great choice if you are struggling with negative thought patterns where you shame and bully yourself. 

I would also highly recommend working with Charoite. While it is associated with the crown chakra and not the heart, it has been my experience that this stone is very helpful in managing emotions that get a little out of control. It is also good at breaking patterns and cycles but also works to lead you towards your path of service or soul purpose. Its higher vibration helps to connect you to higher divine guidance and purpose.

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Charoite 

To support yourself, I would recommend carrying a tumbled stone in your pocket or wearing them in jewelry. I will also have rose quartz bracelets available soon in my shop on Facebook. I also have a Heart Chakra Gem Oil available for sale that you can check out.

To support myself this month I have created a crystal grid of rose quartz and clear quartz points. If you find yourself in need of a little extra support and love this month please feel free to take a moment to close your eyes and connect into this grid which is pictured below. Just take a deep breath and feel the energy moving through your body. If you feel drawn to, repeat the mantra “I am loved” as you continue to breathe the energy through your body. When you have finished basking in the loving energy of the grid please take a moment to ground yourself back into your body before continuing on with your day. If you feel drawn to do so please share your experiences either in the comments here or on my Facebook page!

Namaste everyone!

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“Self-love is built on the purest of intentions followed by the kindest urging of the soul towards thoughts that build on the feelings of the heart”

My Forgotten Chakra

I had a really interesting experience last week during a session with the fabulous Michele Lowry of Nikoe Natural Therapies. I scheduled the session to get some insight into how I could better support myself nutritionally. In our conversation before the session started, I also mentioned that I had some soreness around the base of my neck. I had read in a brochure on digestion from Dynamite Specialty Products that when digestion is poor a person can develop a hump at the base of their neck where it meets their shoulders because over stimulation to nerves in this area that stimulate digestion so I thought the soreness I was experiencing in this area could be related to that.

Unsurprisingly, the session revealed that there were quite a few changes I needed to make to support myself nutritionally but there was more going on energetically with my neck than I had originally thought. Michele told me that I had energy pushing down on the top of my head that was putting pressure on the base of my neck much like a heavy weight would. To help me relieve this pressure she had me visualize a door opening in the top of my head and focus on moving the energy upwards into the divine. When I did as she asked I literally imagined a piece of my skull popping open like a hatch and saw a lot of pink energy flowing upwards from the opening. Within this column of pink light I also saw little lotus flowers blooming. The tension at the base of my neck eased almost immediately.

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This experience floored me because I realized that I had been trying to deal with the brain fog and unsettledness I had been feeling in my head by grounding myself when I really had to relieve the pressure by opening my crown chakra. It has never once occured to me to relieve this pressure by moving energy upwards. The more I thought about the experience the more I came to realize that my crown chakra had been almost completely closed and the energy from the divine was pushing on it to get in while the energy that flows through the other six chakras was getting stuck inside my head and resulting in the feeling of being ungrounded.

Furthermore, I also realized how very  little I think about my crown chakra. I don’t have any memories of doing any consistent work with it. It is always just kind of there. My focus is almost always on one of the lower physical chakras like the sacral, solar plexus, or heart. I think it is about time that I payed some attention to this forgotten chakra!

Simply being aware of the fact that this is the chakra I forget about has already done wonders for keeping this chakra energized simply because I am paying more attention to it. Since the session I have also been visualizing a lotus flower at my crown chakra to help keep it open and the energy flowing through it and I have been using a Crown Chakra Gem Oil that I made from crystal elixirs and essential oils to help support it.

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Now I have a challenge for you! Identify your forgotten chakra! This may be as easy as identifying which chakra you don’t think about but if you find you are having difficulties think about what has been bothering you lately either physically or emotionally. Ask yourself questions. Is it easier to move energy up or down through your body? Where does the energy feel stuck? You can even ask your stones! If you happen to have a chakra set – which I highly recommend – place all the stones in a bag, shake them up a little focusing on the intention of identifying your forgotten chakra and then pull out a stone! The same technique can be used when visiting a stone shop. Focus your energy on finding a stone to help you support your forgotten chakra, whether you know which one it is or not, and see what stone or stones you are drawn to then look up their chakra associations. Also, here is a lovely image I found tells you what each chakra is governed by and what blocks it. Please feel free to share your experiences here or on facebook! Namaste to all!

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Supporting yourself through change with the help of crystals

For me, fall has always been the season that I experience the most change and this year was no different. As I look back on the past few months, I have noticed that crystals have played a major role in both catalyzing and supporting me through the change. I haven’t quite figured out how to roll with the punches yet so when change comes I am almost always thrown for a loop.

It all started with a crystal healing I had done on myself because I had been feeling very tired and frustrated. The session focused on my closed throat chakra and relieving the heavy emotions that were weighing on my heart. In my work on my heart I saw the image of a suitcase going around and around on an airport carousel and got the message that I needed to break the pattern that was causing the emotions to get trapped in my heart. I felt very raw and tired after the session. I felt as if, while I didn’t get very much in the way of messages, the session was very energetically intense.

The next day I found myself breaking out of a pattern of emotional turmoil and stress that I had been stuck in for years but had become more intense over the summer. I had reached the point where I was pushed to far and couldn’t put off making a change any longer.  It was a very difficult and emotional experience as I had been in this pattern for a very long time. Breaking it required me to speak up and stand up for myself in a very confrontational situation and as a result leave behind a place that had been an integral part of my childhood.

Over the next week I felt a lot of different emotions: anger at how I had been treated, fear of what was to come, sadness for what I was leaving behind, and most surprisingly hurt. I found myself reaching for the support of my crystals in a more focused and direct way than I have in the past.

One week after the confrontation I pulled stones for another healing session as I found myself needing more support than I was able to give myself on my own. Instead of a session I found myself using these stones to create a crystal grid.

When I got the inspiration for this post and started to research stones to support change I found that I had intuitively picked a lot of the relevant stones for this grid. The grid contained herkimer diamonds and jet both of which help with fear, magnetite which reduces over attachment leading to clearer energy,  and prehnite as the center stone which helps to release old feelings and move on in life.

This leads me to my first official recommendation: go with what you are attracted to. Crystals are incredibly good at showing up just when you need them. Even if you think you are just choosing a crystal because it is pretty  when you do more work with the crystal or do some research you will often find that you have chosen just the right one to help you through a certain situation.

That being said here are a few more of my go to stones for support during periods of change.

For help soothing emotions that result from breaking patterns I recommend blue apatite and moonstone. For many nights during the first week after the confrontation I fell asleep holding blue apatite and moonstone was one of the stones that I used in the healing session that acted as the catalyst of this change.  Moonstone is also helpful for fear as are jet and herkimer diamond as I mentioned earlier. Jet is one of my favorite stones. I find that it has a very soft and soothing energy that uplifts and grounds you at the same time.

If you find yourself grieving for what you have lost try Apache tear and amethyst.

Support yourself by taking the time to sit with these stones and feel the energy flowing through you body or take the time to build a grid to hold space for you even when you are not home. You can also wear the stones in jewelry or carry them in your pocket or bra. Where ever they are know that the energy of your stones will always be there for you.

What do I do here at Earth Speaks Crystal Healing?

About Me

Crystals have been in my life as far as I can remember. I have memories from when I was very young of going into stone shops and picking out stones. I also spent a lot of time outside collecting buckets full of rocks, some of which are still laying around the house today! After college, the universe let me know that the plan that I had created for the rest of my life was not my true purpose. I entered into a period of self-discovery where it finally occurred to me that my calling was crystals.  I signed up for the Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy Certified Crystal Healer course and graduated in August of 2016. I created Earth Speaks Crystal Healing with the intention of promoting health and well-being for humans and animals physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually with the help of Earth’s crystals and stones.

What is crystal healing?

Crystal healing is a minimal contact therapy that facilitates healing, stress relief, release of emotional blockages, spiritual growth and much more. This is achieved through the interaction of the unique vibratory properties of crystals and stones with our own energy fields. The unstable energies associated with stress and illnesses entrain or move into alignment with the more stable frequencies and vibrations of the crystals allowing for healing to occur.

What does a crystal healing session look like?

In my work with crystals I have come to realize that the interaction between an individual and a crystal is a unique experience. A crystal that inspires joy in one person may trigger a release of grief in another. In a crystal session I work with the seven main energy centers of the body, called chakras. Placing crystals on these energy centers allows the unique vibratory properties if crystals to clear any energy blockages and return the chakra to its normal energetic state through entrainment of the two energies. During the session I also connect with the stones to gather messages and information about what is going on at each of the chakras and what the individual can do to support him or her self in that area.

I currently offer healing sessions in two lengths: 30 minutes and 60 minutes. A 30 minute session focuses on balancing one or two chakras or a specific intention such as relaxation, manifesting a new job, pain relief, etc. A 60 minute session includes a full chakra balancing where I will go through and check the energy and balance of all of the chakras and then use the crystals to bring the chakras back into balance. An intention can also be set for a 60 min session as well. I also offer Remote Crystal Guidance sessions which is a four stone crystal reading done remotely where I tap into the energy of the crystals or stones and communicate their messages to you regarding a specific question or intention.

The prices for each session are as follows:

30 minutes: $40        60 minutes: $70        Remote Crystal Guidance session: $45

Products

Here at Earth Speaks Crystal Healing I am dedicated to creating custom quality gemstone products that enhance well-being and quality of life of both humans and our animal counterparts. These products include a variety of gemstone bracelets, collar/bridle charms, gem oils, gem elixirs and more! Check out my Facebook page and Instagram @earth_speaks_crystal_healing to check everything out!

Contact

You can contact me through my Facebook page and email me at earthspeakscrystalhealing@gmail.com or you can text or call me at 603-765-1382 to schedule a session!