Dealing with Overwhelm

Teaching and inspiring others by sharing my personal experiences has always been an important part of how I work with crystals – that is why Earth Speaks Crystal healing was born. In the last few months, however, I have felt this push to share my business journey as well. I have taken the time to really dive into what it takes to build a successful business and it is by far one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

It is something completely new and opposite from the spiritual and connected side of my work. I have no experience in business and yet I know that is vital that I learn if I am going to be successful.

That is overwhelming!

There is so much information available that it can be hard to know which is correct. In fact, it could all be correct but now you, as a business owner, are in charge of figuring out what strategies work best for you and your business.

Then, of course, you have to implement those strategies and, because they are new to you, it takes you twice as long as you think it should.

And then you have your ego whispering in your ear asking why you should even bother.

Oh, and then you have to keep the business running while you learn all of this. You have to keep up with content creation, appointments, marketing. . .

Oh and then there are the thousands of other people that seem to be doing exactly what you are doing which leads to self doubt and fear of failure.

You have complete control of your time and what you do, and yet you feel completely out of control.

Cue mental break down!

That is basically how it works for me. I start out great, inspired to learn and implement everything that I am learning and then life happens and things don’t work out the way I think they should and my brain starts to shut down.

Through this process I have had to learn how to master my feelings and keep going. My crystals have certainly helped but more than that I have had to learn how to keep my goal in mind and not focus on the results that I don’t think I am getting.

Perhaps one of the biggest lessons I have learn in dealing with overwhelm is that it is okay to not have everything together. Whenever I am overwhelmed I remind myself of this. I remind myself that all of those accounts that I follow and businesses I admire didn’t just spring into being as they are now. The images I see on their accounts don’t portray the struggles that they have surely gone through.

I remind myself that I am not alone because, in truth, that is where a lot of the overwhelm comes from. It is bred in feeling that I am alone and that I have no support and that I am not understood.

That is why I am writing this post, to let all of you out there who are on this journey that you are not alone. We are all in this together even if we don’t know it.

Now, whenever I have those feelings, I turn to those who inspire me – Kerwin Rae, Gary Vee, and Jenna Kutcher especially – and I remind myself why I am doing what I am doing.

One of the practices that has worked best for me in this process is to come up with mantras that I repeat to myself when I am starting to feel overwhelmed. For example:

  • I have something special to offer.
  • I am not inadequate.
  • I am still learning, and that is okay

I have even started to save them in my featured stories on my Instagram account so that there is always  a carousel of them for me and others like me to take a minute to watch and reconnect to a sense of positive thinking and purpose.  Check them out if you need something to pull  you out of your slump.

What are some techniques that help you with feeling overwhelmed? I would love to hear them! Share them with me in the comments!

Much Love,

Emily

Change your Mentality – Learn to be the Ambassador of Yes rather than the Minister of No

Besides crystals, my other great passion in life is horses. This past weekend I had the opportunity to watch a clinician play with some horses and completely embody the principle of Parelli Natural Horsemanship, the program that I follow with my own horse. For quite a while now I have been aware of the parallels between the principles of natural horsemanship and my own spiritual work but I made a realization this weekend that I wanted to share with all of you.

One of the phrases that Pat Parelli says most when teaching humans how to better communicate with horses and build stronger relationships is that we, as humans, need to learn how to become the Ambassador of Yes rather than the Minister of No. What this means, in a nutshell, is that we need to focus more on encouraging positive thoughts and actions in our horses rather than reprimanding and saying “no, don’t do that!”. It’s all about shifting yourself into a more positive frame of mind so that both you and your horse can communicate more effectively and with more relaxation.

The more I think about this the clearer it becomes to me that this concept can be applied to everyday life outside of horses.

There is a lot of the “Minister of No” mentality in society today. For example:

“No, you can’t do that because you are too young”

“No, you can’t love that person because they’re not the right gender”

“No, we can’t buy that because. . .”

“No, we can’t go there. . . “

If you find yourself using the words “can’t” or “don’t do that” a lot you are most likely operating under the “Minister of No” mentality.  It is very easy to get caught up in all of the things we can’t do. We are conditioned from an early age to notice all of our flaws and compare ourselves to others.

Personally, outside of my work with my horse, I have been finding myself getting really hung up recently on all of the things that I can’t do because I need to save money to cover my bills. The more I follow this train of thought the more “can’t”s present themselves until I am drowning in all of the things I can’t do to the point where I don’t have the energy to do anything.

Seeing this clinician this weekend and how he embodied this concept with the horses and understanding this concept in that form has really helped me to realize that I need to shift my mindset of my everyday life. Instead of focusing on what I can’t do, I need to redirect my energy into encouraging myself and reminding myself of what I can do. Like I said earlier it’s all about shifting yourself into a more positive frame of mind only instead of improving communication and promoting relaxation in a horse you are doing this for yourself.

Naturally, because I am me, I turned to my crystals for some support and further insight into this work. The stone that presented itself was unexpected but impossible to ignore in in its insistence. That stone was red jasper. Along with the stone I could also feel the energy of my friend’s last horse who just so happened to get his name from this very stone. He was an exuberant and playful young horse who was very much the life of the party much like the energy I was getting from this stone. When I held it I just got this sense of vitality and energy. When I tuned in to receive its message – and Jasper’s – this is what they had to say:

“Being the Ambassador of Yes is all about finding that invigorating energy that keeps you moving forward without falling into your ego. Once the ego takes over, you are once again become the Minister of No.”

I very much got the sense that this was about finding balance in how your energy is focused. It’s almost as if you need to keep the fire at a slow burn rather than a blaze because you need to be able to maintain conscious control over the energy otherwise, when the energy gets out of hand, the ego takes over.  It’s almost as if the ego over compensates for the excess energy and confidence by dragging you back down. Also if you are throwing yourself full throttle at something you are more likely to burn yourself out at which point it can be hard to build your energy back up with you ego whispering all of your “can’ts” in your ear.

So far I have been resonating really strongly with the vibration of red jasper and feel that it is going to act as the metronome for my energy, keeping me on track and stable in my energy.  I plan to spend a few minutes everyday just sitting with this stone and attuning myself to its energy so that I can become the Ambassador of Yes for myself.

I will keep you all apprised of my progress through my social media in shorter more “in the moment” type posts and I really encourage you to try this for yourself. Take a look at how you go about things in your life and take note of how many times you say “no”, “can’t” or “don’t”. Find some red jasper or any other stone that resonates with you and start to focus on what you can do:

“I can’t buy that thing right now, but I can pick up another shift and get it next week.”

“I can’t marry the person I love right now, but I can spend the rest of my life with them regardless and I can fight for our right to love whomever we choose”

“I might be young but I can plan for my future and set myself up for success”

“Just because I can’t do it now doesn’t mean I can’t do it forever. If I keep moving forward, if I keep my energy strong, I can do anything.”

Anything is possible, just keep moving forward.

Namaste

Emily

Guilt vs. Gratitude – How physical injury lead to a change in mindset

Hello again everyone! First off I want to thank everyone who is reading this. I am extremely grateful for your support and time. As you might have guessed from the title I have been working with gratitude recently and in keeping with that it was important for me to let you all know how much I appreciate you. The concept for this post actually came to me back in February but I never really sat down and explored what it meant. Well it has come back to me, as it usually does, in a form that is ever expanding and shifting. Just when I sat down to write this my understanding of the situation grew. Anyway, let me start at the beginning so that you have a better understanding of what I am starting to ramble about.

As you may have noticed, I have been rather absent for the last couple of months. I got really busy pet sitting in April and May and got really disconnected from my crystal work in all the shuffling and moving around. I stopped working on myself consistently and fell out of the rhythm of things.

Naturally the universe had other plans. Cue the wake up call. Remember earlier when I said I never really sat down to work on this concept? Well, when I continuously ignore something the universe tends to throw hard curve balls at me to knock me on my butt and get me to pay attention. This time it was literal.

I was leaving one of my pet sitting clients houses to go and meet another client about walking her dogs the next week and I took a bad step down onto the walkway. One terrifying crunching noise later I am on my back on the ground with my feet in the air, my ankle throbbing and the phrase “F@#$ I just broke my ankle and I am alone.” running through my head. I could feel myself starting to panic and I was quick to put a damper on it so I could assess myself. I first asked myself if I could move it: yes. Can you put weight on it? Yes. Can you walk on it? Yes. All of it hurt some and I could see my ankle swelling but I was reassured that I didn’t need to call an ambulance. I got to my car immediately put some doTERRA Deep Blue essential oil on my ankle and took some arnica homeopathics.

This is when I started to cry. I am not typically one to cry when I get hurt but I was sobbing. I kept hearing the crunching noise in my head and, while the fact I could walk on the ankle reassured me some, I knew that I still had done some serious damage. All I could think about was how, if I had just seriously injured myself, I wasn’t going to be able to work. I felt guilty about the possibility not being able to do what my clients needed me to do. Then I started feeling guilty about how my parents would need to support me because I couldn’t do what I needed to do. The shock of the incident brought all of these feelings to the surface and it was really very intense.

By the end of the day I couldn’t walk on the ankle. My parents had to help me walk the dog I was taking care of and I still struggled with the guilt that they had to do this. When I started to asses why this may have happened to me now, I became more aware of how I have been struggling with these feelings of guilt for longer than I thought – probably since February when this idea of shifting from guilt to gratitude first came to me.

Naturally, as I was laid up, I had the opportunity to explore this concept and these feelings and experiences. One of the first things I realized was that this was a clear sign that I needed to slow down as I literally couldn’t move around the next day. I didn’t realize how much I had come to rely of moving and doing and go go go until I couldn’t easily get around on my own. The second thing was that I really needed to take the time to take care of myself and I needed to accept that it was okay to do that. It didn’t make me selfish if I had to  call my clients and say I couldn’t walk their dog because I had sprained my ankle. Third, It was okay to ask for and accept help from others and just be grateful.

It was after this realization that I shifted my focus to gratitude. I realized that I have difficulty expressing gratitude because on a deeper level I feel ashamed for having needed to ask for help in the first place.

This is not a new thing. I have always had issues asking other people for things, even something as simple as going up to a sales associate in a department store and asking if they had more sizes. I have gotten better over the years but when push comes to shove I would still rather not have to ask. What I needed was never important enough, or at least that is what I told myself.

This is when I knew that I was just barely brushing the surface with my exploration of guilt and gratitude.

The real issue for me is around self worth. Again this is not something that is coming out of left field for me. In the back of my mind I am always aware that I am not confident in myself and my abilities. I get embarrassed when I get praised because I don’t feel like what I did was enough.

This whole experience has made me realize that it is really time to sit down and do this deeper work. This is the piece that is holding me back from who I truly want to be.

My intentions for this week were to focus on thinking more positively and communicating what I want. When I sat down to meditate with the blue kyanite that wanted to help me this week, gratitude came back up for me. The stone let me know that focusing on communicating my gratitude will help me open up my throat chakra, which is by far my weakest energy center.

So far I have found that just focusing on communicating more effectively has already done a lot as far as my confidence is concerned. I feel better about myself when I realize that saying “no” or making a decision not to do something with someone doesn’t mean that they are going to hate me. It’s not going to negatively affect my relationships if I take the time I need to take care of myself. If it does then clearly that isn’t a relationship worth having right? Definitely not.

Anyway, I still have a lot of work to do in the self-worth department but I feel like I am off to a very good start. I plan to sit down and investigate that more specifically and – of course – see what my lovely crystal guides have to say about the whole scenario.

Namaste!

Manipulative Mind – When your ego tries to take control

This past week has been the hardest so far in this whole process of change that I have been experiencing. Last week, I took the step that I would label as the “event” in this particular process or cycle that I am working my way through: I moved Scout to his new temporary home.

As of  the time of my last blog post thought I was very well prepared for this and on some level I was. What I was not prepared for was how my ego was going to respond to it. For those of you who are unfamiliar, when I talk about the ego I am talking about that little voice in the back of your mind that tells you you can’t do something, or that you aren’t good enough. In preparation for this post I also found this more Psychoanalytical definition: “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.”

When the day of the move came I was experiencing a lot of anticipation which is natural for me. Whenever I have moved Scout in the past I always experience some tension and stress the day of the move so I wasn’t worried about it. I packed everything up, loaded him on the trailer and we were on our way.

When we reached our destination, however, the level of tension and nervousness I was feeling ratcheted up to a level way beyond what I ever expected. My stomach was in knots and my whole body was tense. I could barely focus and I would occasionally feel dizzy. Meanwhile, I am trying to hold myself together because there are a lot of unfamiliar people around. This I am sure didn’t help the situation.

I really couldn’t get a read on why I was feeling the way I was feeling. All I knew was that the last time I experienced emotions that were this strong was in when I was in Iowa and was going through the process of discovering that that wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I eventually realized that this was all about me, and not about Scout, because he had settled in and was acting completely like himself.

When I went home later that night I was able to calm myself down and felt better. When I woke up the next day though I worked myself back up into this tense and worried mess. At first I couldn’t tell if I was just sick or if I was just having a fear reaction like the night before. I spent most of the day feeling dizzy with my stomach in knots. It came in waves and I kept getting the feeling that I wanted to get out and move. I manage to get from where I was pet sitting to home and while there I realized that I was having another fear response.

I reached out to Michele and she told me that I was just feeling the shift and that if I could step forward and feel it rather than freeze that I would break through it. She told me that this was my ego sabotaging me into questioning my choices. She encouraged me to use my crystals – which I had immediately gravitated towards –  and also recommended a couple of essential oils.

Funnily enough I had already looked up and found two essential oil blends to help me through what I was almost certain was a panic attack.  Looking back these two oils – doTERRA Balance and Peace – were what really allowed me to cut through that fear that was running rampant through me and allow myself to truly feel and assess what was going on. I was able to continue with what I needed to get done that day and then felt calm and settled enough to go over and see Scout.

On the drive over I was reminded of my strategy of being present in change and just tried to stay really focused on what was going on in that moment and not get sucked into the cyclical negative and fear based thoughts that were making me so stressed out and panicky. You see most of what was making me so anxious that day was fear and anxiety about how I had responded the night before and worrying whether I would respond that way again, and what it would mean if I responded that way and on and on and on.

Throughout that whole day the one thing that kept me from going completely off the rails was the fact that Scout was fine. When I had left the night before he was eating and he was chill and he was not acting at all like he had any worries in the world.

He was the same when I arrived there. He was just hanging out in the paddock. I didn’t have any overwhelming negative response and I took him out and played with him. I left feeling much more relaxed.

Everyday since I have continued to work through these feeling of tenseness and anxiety that is my ego trying to make me feel about my decision and this change. I have continued to use the oils to cut through the physical and chemical aspect of the anxiety and my stones to support the energetic aspect. I have spent some time identifying the strategies my ego uses to manipulate me. Here are a few examples:

  • It presents me with A LOT of “what ifs . . .?” i.e “What if you are feeling this way because this is not where you are suppose to be?” “What if something really is wrong?”
  • My ego tries to tell me that I don’t want to do things that I love doing. i.e. working with crystals or even playing with my horse (I always know my ego is acting up here because there is no way I will ever want to stop working with horses)
  • my body reacts like it is in fight or flight situation. My ego jumps on top of any stress that I may be feeling and takes advantage of it by supplying “what ifs”

Another key indicator for me that this was all ego based when I look back at this experience was the lack of a sense of why I was feeling the way I was. There was no true “gut feeling” or guidance that I could identify. It all circled back to fear of what I was feeling not what was actually happening.

Perhaps the hardest part for me throughout the past week was feeling like I couldn’t trust myself because of the thoughts that my ego was putting in my head. I want to share with you all a quote that I found very helpful in the past few days by Wayne Dyer who talks a lot about the ego and how you can learn to manage it.

“Do not abandon trust when your ego thinks things should be different then they are.”

I feel think this quote just hits home completely for what I am going through in this moment. This whole experience has been about trust from the very beginning, starting with the message that my fabulous horse gave to me.

In the past week I have once again learned so much about myself and how I progress and grow. I want to share with you all the strategies that I have found help me to best keep my ego from consuming my thoughts:

  • Using doTERRA’s Balance and Peace essential oil blends on my pulse points as frequently as needed.
  • Two drops of doTERRA Copaiba essential oil taken internally with water.
  • Stones – Serpentene, black tourmaline, lepidolite, and citrine.
  • Getting out and moving – this keeps me from freezing in place and becoming overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings. It also helps me to release the physical tension or unsettled feeling that I get.

If you look back at the definition of ego that I provided earlier you will see that it mentions something called “reality testing”. This resonates very strongly with me for what is going on for me in this moment in time. My ego is testing my reality by trying to sabotage the choices that I am making. If you find that that resonates with you as well I urge you to make the effort to identify how your ego operates and develop strategies to help you to overcome it. It is amazing the amount of good we can do for ourselves if only we have the desire and the strategies to do so.

As always I hope that my story helps you along on your own journey and if you have any questions or comments I would love to hear from you!

Namaste

How My Creativity – and Crystals – Led Me to Face My Fears

When I first began writing this piece I did not expect it to become this deep and meaningful dive into how to deal with fear. I set out wanting to share with you guys how my creativity in the last few weeks has shed light on to some fear and self doubt and then share the guidance the crystals had on the matter. The crystals had other plans however, and what I thought was going to be simple and light has been revealed to be much more meaningful than I could have ever imagined. With that being said, I am going to start at the beginning and share with you exactly how this experience shifted beyond my expectations.

In the past few weeks I have become addicted to making hemp bracelets. I have been creating and creating and creating all of the time. I am so in love with this feeling of creativity as it is so uplifting and expansive but this much creativity has left me with a mountain of bracelets. My intent has always been to share them with the world through an Etsy shop but I have found taking that step harder than I originally expected it to be. As I go through the process of listing all of my creations – a daunting feat considering the number of them – my desire to create just keeps getting stronger and stronger. The more I create the more I learn and the more my pieces express my growth.

This growth then makes me insecure about sharing my earlier creations. I wonder if I should even post them. What if people don’t like them? My ego has begun supplying me with a number of reasons why should not share my work, most of which circle back to me feeling like they aren’t perfect. I was afraid of pieces being received as sub-par in comparison to some of my others.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this fear went much deeper than just self-doubt. It was a deeper feeling that I knew had been there for a while and was holding me back from being my true self and stepping into what I am meant to  be doing.

It is a fear of being seen.

I am super confident behind a keyboard and in my writing and I think that is because I don’t have to experience first hand someone’s reaction to what I am saying. When I talk to someone in person or even put myself out there on social media in a more active way I am opening myself up to judgment and criticism. Now, I have been stepping out of my comfort zone in the last month and a half and have become more visible by posting more on social media and starting a video series on my Facebook page but I have still been struggling with reaching out to people personally.

When I talk to someone personally, more so in person than through text or email, my nerves and fear of judgement and criticism get the better of me and I lose my voice. I then feel like I am not representing myself well and I get frustrated with myself. After the fact I ask a lot of what if questions and dig a pretty deep hole of self-doubt for myself. So I find myself avoiding this type of interaction.

Thus, my creativity in the last couple of weeks has allowed me some reprieve from this fear, but now, as I start listing y work and stepping out into the open it is coming up again. Now, in order to move forward I had to do some work around this. Immediately after I made the decision to work with this fear my large Herkimer diamond came to mind to support me and as I prepared to sit and do the work my apophylite and stilbite combination also jumped out to help me.

IMG_20180316_095928
My large Herkimer diamond (left) and the apophylite/stilbite (right).

Both of these stone felt super high vibrational from the moment I picked them up and were more than ready to dive into the work. I got the sense that the Herkimer diamond was going to be speaking to my fear and that the apophylite/stilbite was going to speak to my creativity. I felt that both of the stone together were going to clear unwanted and unhelpful patterns from my energetic body. Before I had even picked them up to meditate I could feel the shift in my body. The stones had a lot more to say than I was expecting and not just about what I was going through, but about fear in general. Herkimer diamond started things off with this lecture:

“Your fear comes from a place deep inside you left mostly unexplored. Your mind skates over it in favor of more bright and shining places but it still lingers, silently weighing you down. 

When you give your fears a voice, when you let them express themselves two things can happen. 1) The fear can be released or 2) the fear can consume you. 

Despite how it might feel, you have control over both outcomes. This control comes from how you choose to receive your fear and is tied deeply to the stage you are at in your life. Your environment and outside influences can affect how you receive your fear. If you seek your fear before you have fully identified it you will find yourself surprised by it and slipping into option two. 

If you have steadily observed it, making note of when and where it appears in your life you are more likely to experience option one. 

This is not to say that one option is right and one option is wrong. You can learn a lot facing a fear before it is ready to be released. You  can gain insight into the birth of the fear, its growth and development through your current life or the lives of your ancestors. 

Each time you face the fear you learn more and more about it and the more you learn about it the less it consumes and controls you. The more you seek to understand it, the more it transforms from fear into motivation. You embrace it. It becomes a part of you and you find that you eventually end up at option one.”

Apophylite/stilbite jumped in right where the herkimer left off:

“When that fear is integrated you are given a direct line to your soul. Those moments after you have fully accepted a piece of yourself for exactly what it was are the pinnacle of peace. Bask in that energy, allow it to fully penetrate every cell in your body. Let it bring you visions of your future and of your past. Feel what it means to truly love yourself. Pay attention to your dreams and the people you attract into your life. Observe how accepting a piece of yourself has shifted your reality.”

For minutes after these messages came through I just sat and basked in the energy of these crystals. I held the apophylite/stilbite to my heart and felt shivers through my body as I thought about my fears. I felt the clarity of these crystals clearing the energy from my body. I do not believe that these fears are fully released and integrated but I do feel lighter and brighter and more joyful moving forward.

I also caught a glimpse of some other fears.

The key for me will be not to get discouraged by the appearance of more fears. It only means that I am growing, that I am moving through the lessons that my soul has to learn. This shift doesn’t happen overnight and I urge those of you that are facing your fears realize that it is okay to slip. It is okay to step back and take time to gather yourself.

That being said, I would highly recommend using crystals to help support you in this work. Even if you don’t have access to herkimer diamond or apophylite/stilbite I urge you to sit down with the stones that you do have and let them help you. Choose one stone to support you in facing your fears and another to help you sit in the vibration afterword. Remember that there is no right or wrong to this. Choose the stones that draw you to them.

Remember also that this is not necessarily a “one and done” exercise. I most definitely need to spend some more time sitting with this exercise and working through what presents itself to me. Take the time it takes. It’s about the journey.

As always, I would love to hear about any experiences you have in your own work with crystals and fear. The more I work with crystals the more I realized that they are so much more than just tools to be used. They are our guides through this work, sharing their energy to shift us into a better state of being. I am forever grateful to them for sharing their gifts with me and in turn allowing me to share them with you!

Namaste to you all! Until next time!

Emily

Embracing Forgiveness Through Stillness

This whole adventure started when I sat down and selected stones to support me in my weekly intentions. This particular week I had decided to work on something that had really been nagging at me: forgiveness. In the last few weeks of February I began to notice that there were a number of instances where I had been reminded of past events that had hurt me. I realized that I still had a lot of unresolved emotion around these events and the people involved and became aware that holding on to these emotions was holding me back from moving forward. I decided that I needed to do some more focused work with forgiving myself and others and what better way to do this than with crystals!

Funnily enough, the night before I chose the stones I was guided a forgiveness ritual as I was journaling before heading to bed for the night (Stay tuned this comes into play for you later ;p) . It just made perfect sense at that moment that forgiveness was going to be what I was working on for the week. Anyway, the stone that jumped out as my guide in this work was a small zoisite heart that I have had for a very long time. Despite having it for so long I had never worked with this stone as extensively as I have in the past week and a half.

IMG_20180307_225611

It immediately struck me as significant that this stone was both green and shaped like a heart as I knew intuitively that this forgiveness work was going to be completely heart centered. However, when I sat down and tried to connect into the stone I wasn’t getting any messages. Through a lot of trial and error I have learned not to jump to the conclusion that this means I will not be able to do the work I want to do. Instead, I start asking myself or the stone questions become aware of any impressions I get or thoughts that pop into my mind. In this case, when I paused to ask questions another stone popped into my head that had also been catching my eye a lot in recent days: a heart shaped golden sheen obsidian. It struck me immediately once again that this stone was heart shaped.

IMG_20180307_230013

This time, when I sat down to meditate with zoisite in my left hand and obsidian in my right, the information just started flowing.

I knew immediately that this was going to be a writing experience. I knew that the only way I was going to be able to convey the significance of this work was to provide all of you with a detailed account of my own personal experience. Next came images of landscapes – grassy plains, mountains, open sky. All of them were empty. All were still and quiet. I just sat and basked in this stillness finding it refreshing and incredibly peaceful. It is at this point that the true name of this experience was revealed to me: “Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness”. The longer I sat however, the more I felt like something needed to be drawn out from behind my heart in order to access the feelings I needed to do the ritual that I had thought up the night before. To help pull these feelings out I held the obsidian to my heart for a few minutes.

I started to feel very raw and a little shaky – like a shift had been made energetically.

I was then guided the image of a crystal grid in a lemiscate or figure eight/infinity pattern. I saw the energy flowing slowly in this grid and through me as I held the two stones in opposite hands resting on my knees and heard these words:

“You have to draw up the feelings from a place of objectivity or you are merely adding fuel to the fire.”

In other words, in order to release the negative feelings you have towards a person or event you have to draw them up with out becoming immersed in them. You have to be able to look at the experience from the outside to truly identify and name what you are releasing and forgiving in yourself or others. At this point, my brain nearly imploding from all the insight, I brought myself out of the meditation and set about building the grid pictured below. I yawned a lot as I did this which, for me, has always been a sign that I am releasing something or have experienced a significant energetic shift.

IMG_20180226_095911
“Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness” – made up of zoisite, golden sheen obsidian, small hematite tumbles, clear quartz points, and a tourmalated quartz center stone.

It wasn’t over yet. My second session with these stones was much more intense than the first. This session took place in the evening and as I flitted around my room preparing to do this work I kept getting this urge to do this session without any clothes on. At first I dismissed it, but the more preparation I did the stronger the feeling got and I realized that this clearly was going to be a part of the work I was doing that night.

When I sat down, the room lit by candles, the only thing in contact with my body was the floor and the stones. I removed everything that was not a part of me, including my glasses and the hair tie holding back my hair. I had to be completely and totally myself. When I closed my eyes to begin I fell immediately into this sense of stillness and heard these words:

“I sit here, stripped bare, ready to open my heart to true forgiveness. By baring my body, I bare my soul.”

After this, triangles became a very prominent theme. I saw them in my minds eye and when I opened my eyes on occasion I noticed that I was sitting in front of a triangular grid that I had made in previous weeks and that the  candles I had lit were also arranged in a triangular shape.

I was also guided the image of a “mind, body, spirit” triangle where the mind and the body made up the base and spirit was represented at the point. I got the impression that this image was meant to communicate the importance of building a strong foundation by taking care of your mind and body so that you may better communicate with your more spiritual aspects. This made sense to me as triangles are one the strongest shape.

Looking back I think this concept is why I also felt called to perform a lymphatic drainage massage on my face and clear out my K27 meridian points which are located just below your collar bones on both the left and the right side of your body. I think I was preparing my body for deeper work.

Following this pattern,  work on my mind came next. During this work on my body I felt very empowered and sensual. When I finished the lymphatic massage, I realized that I was really resisting this feeling of sensuality. The more I opened myself up the this feeling the more the true purpose of this night’s work was revealed. This session was all about forgiving myself for the way I have shamed my physical body and letting go of that shame by expressing my sexuality and celebrating my body.

The longer I sat there holding the stones and breathing into this feeling of empowerment and sensuality the more I could feel the energy building in my sacral and heart chakras. I was basking in the joy of accepting my physical body and letting go of shame.

I also kept seeing images of indigenous people and observing how unashamed they were to show their physical bodies. The stones closed this experience with the following message.

“True freedom is knowing you can be completely yourself, uninfluenced by the thoughts of those around you. Freedom is not outside of one’s self. Freedom is found within when one can look at themselves and say ‘I love you’.”

The morning after this work I was still feeling very light and happy and open. Everything felt still, content, and serene. I was amazed at the insights I was gaining through this work. Little did I know that the best was yet to come.

I went into my third session feeling, tired, on edge, and easily irritated. I wasn’t exactly sure why but I had been feeling this way for the majority of the day. Because of this I immediately felt drawn to ground myself through my Earth Star chakra (This chakra is located about six inches below your feet and is highly attuned to the energy of Mother Earth). When I closed my eyes, I felt like I was seconds away from falling asleep where I was sitting. In my mind’s eye I could see the lemiscate shape of the grid and feel the energy moving through it. At first the energy was racing around, but the longer I sat there the more I realized that I could control the flow of the energy and got the impression that the illusion of  feeling out of control is what made me anxious and frustrated.

I could also feel a tightness in my heart chakra and got the message, “What are you holding on to?” I tried to let go of the tightness and this helped some but I found that without truly identifying and putting a name to what it was I was holding on to I could not fully let go of it.

When I paused to record this information an experience immediately popped into my mind that could be related to all the emotions I had been feeling that day. Two and a half years ago I went out to Iowa with the intention of going to chiropractic school. When I arrived out there I received my first ever energetic two-by-four to the side of the head that knocked me clean off what I perceived to be the path leading to the rest of my life. I won’t go into the details here as it is a long story (you can read it here if you want all the gory details). Needless to say it was a highly emotional experience that had me returning home less than a week after arriving.

As I sat writing, I realized that the tightness I was feeling in my heart was the fear that something like this event would happen to me again. I desperately want to make sure that I am living out my true purpose. I love doing so many different things that I often confuse myself and manufacture my own anxiety by trying to make myself choose between them. This experience was making me aware that I need to learn to identify the difference between feeling uncomfortable because I am growing and changing and feeling uncomfortable because I am not being myself.

Now that I had given a name to the feeling I felt that I was finally ready to truly let go of it and let me just say that it was one of the most powerful experiences I have had working with crystals. When I picked up the zoisite and obsidian from the grid I immediately felt a lot of energy move up and down my spine making me shiver and be unable to sit still. I breathed through this until I became acclimated to the energy. Then I began to speak.

Out loud I began to name all of the feelings that I was letting go of around this. Among them was the fear of it happening again and the blame I had been placing on myself for allowing it to happen in the first place. This led to a huge emotional release where I finally felt all of the emotions I had buried. To put it simply I started balling which is something that is completely out of the norm for me.

I also remember specifying to myself that letting go does not mean forgetting, it just means that you are no longer letting those past thoughts, events, people, or feelings to affect you. They will always be a part of who you are but they no longer have control.

After this releasing phase I began to vocalize all of the things all of the things that I was accepting. Funnily enough I cannot remember many of these.

As I approached the end of this night’s work, I expressed the fear that I would still feel all of these feelings after this experience. In response I received the message “there are no quick fixes” and got the impression that not all of my problems were going to be solved in one night. I am on a journey of never ending self improvement and that means that I will forever be learning and growing from my experiences.

This experience was so profound for me that I couldn’t help but share it with you. This grid is one of the strongest I have ever built and by no means do I feel like I am done working with it. Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness has become my intention for the month of March and this grid will be set up for the duration of this month – if not longer. I invite you to take a few minutes and sit in its energy and let it guide you in your own healing experience. In these three sessions this grid has revealed to me three aspects of my being that I was not aware were having such a profound effect on my life.

That being said, I want share with you all the forgiveness ritual that that I mentioned at the beginning of this post. In this video I guide you through your own healing work with a stone of your choice or with this grid. I hope that helps you identify and release what is holding you back. I would love to hear about your experience!

Namaste to you all.

Taking Care of Your Physical Body with Rhodonite

Taking care of your physical body is a necessity of continuing spiritual growth. To neglect the health of your body is to limit the reach of the soul. Be aware of the aches in your body because in them are opportunities to grow through self-healing

~Rhodonite

I came into the past week really feeling pushed to make a change in the way I was taking care of my physical body. I was tired of the stomach aches and of the mind fog that kept me from really interacting the way I would have liked with everything going on around me. I couldn’t process information as quickly as I wanted, and my body felt heavy. When I made it my intention to focus on giving my physical body what it needed the stone rhodonite immediately jumped out and wanted to help support me in this. In my initial meditation with the stone, I received the message quoted above as well as guidance to really tune into what my body needed as far as diet and exercise in order to support all of the energetic change that was occurring in my life. It wanted me to make note of the foods that made me feel sluggish or unmotivated and which made my head foggy. I could already identify a number of the foods that irritated my system – primarily gluten and dairy – so I eliminated them from my diet. I planned to eat more vegetables and drank at least one green drink (doTERRAs TerraGreens) a day. I also became aware that I needed to support my lymphatic system more as toxins were removed from my body. I added a red calcite gem elixir to my army of crystal elixirs and performed  lymphatic drainage massage on my face in an attempt to remove build up and I wore my rhodonite stone in a necklace around my neck as energetic support throughout the day.

I did well for the first few days. I could definitely feel a difference in my body after just a couple of days of clean eating. I felt lighter energetically, I had more energy, and my head was less foggy in the afternoon. These observations became even more clear when I fell off the wagon on Friday. A lunch date and birthday dinner had me eating foods that were heavy in dairy, gluten and carbohydrates and this trend carried into the weekend. I found myself feeling more tired, sluggish, energetically heavy and – surprisingly – hungrier than I had been when I was eating less at the beginning of the week. It was as if my body was craving food not because I didn’t eat enough, because I definitely did, but because I didn’t eat what my body needed and thus it wasn’t satisfied. Early in the week I had also received a message from rhodonite about cravings. It said “You want those foods for the instant gratification of ‘feeling good’ that they give you emotionally. When you are craving something you know you can’t have ask yourself why you want it. What is going on spiritually or emotionally to make you crave it?” This is something that I am going to keep in mind as I continued to work with rhodonite and jump back on the healthy eating wagon once more!

Now, It turns out that rhodonite wasn’t only working on me this week. When I went up to see my horse Scout on Saturday he was being all cuddly and cute nuzzling me like he sometimes likes to do. The more he did it, however, the more I realized that he was gravitating towards my necklace which had the rhodonite tumble in it.

When I took the stone out of the cage and showed it to him, he naturally tried to eat it first but then he dropped his head and his eyes got all half lidded like he was taking a nap. For those of you that don’t know horses, when they lower their heads it is a sign of relaxation. Now, as he is sitting there just basking in the vibes of the crystal I am thinking about why he would be enjoying this stone so much. Then I remembered that he had been having some digestive upset with some diarrhea in the past week. I wasn’t too worried as I have realized through tracking it that this is cycle he goes through about once a month. It normally only lasts a few days and he never stops acting like his goofy self. This time it seemed to be lasting a little bit longer though. When I was feeding him dinner earlier in the week it occurred to me that the hay might have been prolonging this digestive episode as it was slightly candied and very sweet. I got the sense that he felt like we would if all we at for a week were desserts.

Looking back on all of this I realized that the Rhodonite stone that I had been wearing helped me tap into what was going on physically for my pony and make the changes he needed. Saturday was the only day he actively sought the stone for himself and I believe it was because he needed a little extra support re-configuring his body much in the same way as I am seeking to reconfigure my own. This just goes to show how much our animal companions mirror us, sometimes in order to bring attention to issues with our own health, and how the energies of crystals are just as beneficial to them as they are for us. If you would like some more information on how you or your furry friends can benefit from the energy of crystals, please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions or to schedule a session!

Namaste!

Supporting yourself through change with the help of crystals

For me, fall has always been the season that I experience the most change and this year was no different. As I look back on the past few months, I have noticed that crystals have played a major role in both catalyzing and supporting me through the change. I haven’t quite figured out how to roll with the punches yet so when change comes I am almost always thrown for a loop.

It all started with a crystal healing I had done on myself because I had been feeling very tired and frustrated. The session focused on my closed throat chakra and relieving the heavy emotions that were weighing on my heart. In my work on my heart I saw the image of a suitcase going around and around on an airport carousel and got the message that I needed to break the pattern that was causing the emotions to get trapped in my heart. I felt very raw and tired after the session. I felt as if, while I didn’t get very much in the way of messages, the session was very energetically intense.

The next day I found myself breaking out of a pattern of emotional turmoil and stress that I had been stuck in for years but had become more intense over the summer. I had reached the point where I was pushed to far and couldn’t put off making a change any longer.  It was a very difficult and emotional experience as I had been in this pattern for a very long time. Breaking it required me to speak up and stand up for myself in a very confrontational situation and as a result leave behind a place that had been an integral part of my childhood.

Over the next week I felt a lot of different emotions: anger at how I had been treated, fear of what was to come, sadness for what I was leaving behind, and most surprisingly hurt. I found myself reaching for the support of my crystals in a more focused and direct way than I have in the past.

One week after the confrontation I pulled stones for another healing session as I found myself needing more support than I was able to give myself on my own. Instead of a session I found myself using these stones to create a crystal grid.

When I got the inspiration for this post and started to research stones to support change I found that I had intuitively picked a lot of the relevant stones for this grid. The grid contained herkimer diamonds and jet both of which help with fear, magnetite which reduces over attachment leading to clearer energy,  and prehnite as the center stone which helps to release old feelings and move on in life.

This leads me to my first official recommendation: go with what you are attracted to. Crystals are incredibly good at showing up just when you need them. Even if you think you are just choosing a crystal because it is pretty  when you do more work with the crystal or do some research you will often find that you have chosen just the right one to help you through a certain situation.

That being said here are a few more of my go to stones for support during periods of change.

For help soothing emotions that result from breaking patterns I recommend blue apatite and moonstone. For many nights during the first week after the confrontation I fell asleep holding blue apatite and moonstone was one of the stones that I used in the healing session that acted as the catalyst of this change.  Moonstone is also helpful for fear as are jet and herkimer diamond as I mentioned earlier. Jet is one of my favorite stones. I find that it has a very soft and soothing energy that uplifts and grounds you at the same time.

If you find yourself grieving for what you have lost try Apache tear and amethyst.

Support yourself by taking the time to sit with these stones and feel the energy flowing through you body or take the time to build a grid to hold space for you even when you are not home. You can also wear the stones in jewelry or carry them in your pocket or bra. Where ever they are know that the energy of your stones will always be there for you.