Change your Mentality – Learn to be the Ambassador of Yes rather than the Minister of No

Besides crystals, my other great passion in life is horses. This past weekend I had the opportunity to watch a clinician play with some horses and completely embody the principle of Parelli Natural Horsemanship, the program that I follow with my own horse. For quite a while now I have been aware of the parallels between the principles of natural horsemanship and my own spiritual work but I made a realization this weekend that I wanted to share with all of you.

One of the phrases that Pat Parelli says most when teaching humans how to better communicate with horses and build stronger relationships is that we, as humans, need to learn how to become the Ambassador of Yes rather than the Minister of No. What this means, in a nutshell, is that we need to focus more on encouraging positive thoughts and actions in our horses rather than reprimanding and saying “no, don’t do that!”. It’s all about shifting yourself into a more positive frame of mind so that both you and your horse can communicate more effectively and with more relaxation.

The more I think about this the clearer it becomes to me that this concept can be applied to everyday life outside of horses.

There is a lot of the “Minister of No” mentality in society today. For example:

“No, you can’t do that because you are too young”

“No, you can’t love that person because they’re not the right gender”

“No, we can’t buy that because. . .”

“No, we can’t go there. . . “

If you find yourself using the words “can’t” or “don’t do that” a lot you are most likely operating under the “Minister of No” mentality.  It is very easy to get caught up in all of the things we can’t do. We are conditioned from an early age to notice all of our flaws and compare ourselves to others.

Personally, outside of my work with my horse, I have been finding myself getting really hung up recently on all of the things that I can’t do because I need to save money to cover my bills. The more I follow this train of thought the more “can’t”s present themselves until I am drowning in all of the things I can’t do to the point where I don’t have the energy to do anything.

Seeing this clinician this weekend and how he embodied this concept with the horses and understanding this concept in that form has really helped me to realize that I need to shift my mindset of my everyday life. Instead of focusing on what I can’t do, I need to redirect my energy into encouraging myself and reminding myself of what I can do. Like I said earlier it’s all about shifting yourself into a more positive frame of mind only instead of improving communication and promoting relaxation in a horse you are doing this for yourself.

Naturally, because I am me, I turned to my crystals for some support and further insight into this work. The stone that presented itself was unexpected but impossible to ignore in in its insistence. That stone was red jasper. Along with the stone I could also feel the energy of my friend’s last horse who just so happened to get his name from this very stone. He was an exuberant and playful young horse who was very much the life of the party much like the energy I was getting from this stone. When I held it I just got this sense of vitality and energy. When I tuned in to receive its message – and Jasper’s – this is what they had to say:

“Being the Ambassador of Yes is all about finding that invigorating energy that keeps you moving forward without falling into your ego. Once the ego takes over, you are once again become the Minister of No.”

I very much got the sense that this was about finding balance in how your energy is focused. It’s almost as if you need to keep the fire at a slow burn rather than a blaze because you need to be able to maintain conscious control over the energy otherwise, when the energy gets out of hand, the ego takes over.  It’s almost as if the ego over compensates for the excess energy and confidence by dragging you back down. Also if you are throwing yourself full throttle at something you are more likely to burn yourself out at which point it can be hard to build your energy back up with you ego whispering all of your “can’ts” in your ear.

So far I have been resonating really strongly with the vibration of red jasper and feel that it is going to act as the metronome for my energy, keeping me on track and stable in my energy.  I plan to spend a few minutes everyday just sitting with this stone and attuning myself to its energy so that I can become the Ambassador of Yes for myself.

I will keep you all apprised of my progress through my social media in shorter more “in the moment” type posts and I really encourage you to try this for yourself. Take a look at how you go about things in your life and take note of how many times you say “no”, “can’t” or “don’t”. Find some red jasper or any other stone that resonates with you and start to focus on what you can do:

“I can’t buy that thing right now, but I can pick up another shift and get it next week.”

“I can’t marry the person I love right now, but I can spend the rest of my life with them regardless and I can fight for our right to love whomever we choose”

“I might be young but I can plan for my future and set myself up for success”

“Just because I can’t do it now doesn’t mean I can’t do it forever. If I keep moving forward, if I keep my energy strong, I can do anything.”

Anything is possible, just keep moving forward.



Manipulative Mind – When your ego tries to take control

This past week has been the hardest so far in this whole process of change that I have been experiencing. Last week, I took the step that I would label as the “event” in this particular process or cycle that I am working my way through: I moved Scout to his new temporary home.

As of  the time of my last blog post thought I was very well prepared for this and on some level I was. What I was not prepared for was how my ego was going to respond to it. For those of you who are unfamiliar, when I talk about the ego I am talking about that little voice in the back of your mind that tells you you can’t do something, or that you aren’t good enough. In preparation for this post I also found this more Psychoanalytical definition: “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.”

When the day of the move came I was experiencing a lot of anticipation which is natural for me. Whenever I have moved Scout in the past I always experience some tension and stress the day of the move so I wasn’t worried about it. I packed everything up, loaded him on the trailer and we were on our way.

When we reached our destination, however, the level of tension and nervousness I was feeling ratcheted up to a level way beyond what I ever expected. My stomach was in knots and my whole body was tense. I could barely focus and I would occasionally feel dizzy. Meanwhile, I am trying to hold myself together because there are a lot of unfamiliar people around. This I am sure didn’t help the situation.

I really couldn’t get a read on why I was feeling the way I was feeling. All I knew was that the last time I experienced emotions that were this strong was in when I was in Iowa and was going through the process of discovering that that wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I eventually realized that this was all about me, and not about Scout, because he had settled in and was acting completely like himself.

When I went home later that night I was able to calm myself down and felt better. When I woke up the next day though I worked myself back up into this tense and worried mess. At first I couldn’t tell if I was just sick or if I was just having a fear reaction like the night before. I spent most of the day feeling dizzy with my stomach in knots. It came in waves and I kept getting the feeling that I wanted to get out and move. I manage to get from where I was pet sitting to home and while there I realized that I was having another fear response.

I reached out to Michele and she told me that I was just feeling the shift and that if I could step forward and feel it rather than freeze that I would break through it. She told me that this was my ego sabotaging me into questioning my choices. She encouraged me to use my crystals – which I had immediately gravitated towards –  and also recommended a couple of essential oils.

Funnily enough I had already looked up and found two essential oil blends to help me through what I was almost certain was a panic attack.  Looking back these two oils – doTERRA Balance and Peace – were what really allowed me to cut through that fear that was running rampant through me and allow myself to truly feel and assess what was going on. I was able to continue with what I needed to get done that day and then felt calm and settled enough to go over and see Scout.

On the drive over I was reminded of my strategy of being present in change and just tried to stay really focused on what was going on in that moment and not get sucked into the cyclical negative and fear based thoughts that were making me so stressed out and panicky. You see most of what was making me so anxious that day was fear and anxiety about how I had responded the night before and worrying whether I would respond that way again, and what it would mean if I responded that way and on and on and on.

Throughout that whole day the one thing that kept me from going completely off the rails was the fact that Scout was fine. When I had left the night before he was eating and he was chill and he was not acting at all like he had any worries in the world.

He was the same when I arrived there. He was just hanging out in the paddock. I didn’t have any overwhelming negative response and I took him out and played with him. I left feeling much more relaxed.

Everyday since I have continued to work through these feeling of tenseness and anxiety that is my ego trying to make me feel about my decision and this change. I have continued to use the oils to cut through the physical and chemical aspect of the anxiety and my stones to support the energetic aspect. I have spent some time identifying the strategies my ego uses to manipulate me. Here are a few examples:

  • It presents me with A LOT of “what ifs . . .?” i.e “What if you are feeling this way because this is not where you are suppose to be?” “What if something really is wrong?”
  • My ego tries to tell me that I don’t want to do things that I love doing. i.e. working with crystals or even playing with my horse (I always know my ego is acting up here because there is no way I will ever want to stop working with horses)
  • my body reacts like it is in fight or flight situation. My ego jumps on top of any stress that I may be feeling and takes advantage of it by supplying “what ifs”

Another key indicator for me that this was all ego based when I look back at this experience was the lack of a sense of why I was feeling the way I was. There was no true “gut feeling” or guidance that I could identify. It all circled back to fear of what I was feeling not what was actually happening.

Perhaps the hardest part for me throughout the past week was feeling like I couldn’t trust myself because of the thoughts that my ego was putting in my head. I want to share with you all a quote that I found very helpful in the past few days by Wayne Dyer who talks a lot about the ego and how you can learn to manage it.

“Do not abandon trust when your ego thinks things should be different then they are.”

I feel think this quote just hits home completely for what I am going through in this moment. This whole experience has been about trust from the very beginning, starting with the message that my fabulous horse gave to me.

In the past week I have once again learned so much about myself and how I progress and grow. I want to share with you all the strategies that I have found help me to best keep my ego from consuming my thoughts:

  • Using doTERRA’s Balance and Peace essential oil blends on my pulse points as frequently as needed.
  • Two drops of doTERRA Copaiba essential oil taken internally with water.
  • Stones – Serpentene, black tourmaline, lepidolite, and citrine.
  • Getting out and moving – this keeps me from freezing in place and becoming overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings. It also helps me to release the physical tension or unsettled feeling that I get.

If you look back at the definition of ego that I provided earlier you will see that it mentions something called “reality testing”. This resonates very strongly with me for what is going on for me in this moment in time. My ego is testing my reality by trying to sabotage the choices that I am making. If you find that that resonates with you as well I urge you to make the effort to identify how your ego operates and develop strategies to help you to overcome it. It is amazing the amount of good we can do for ourselves if only we have the desire and the strategies to do so.

As always I hope that my story helps you along on your own journey and if you have any questions or comments I would love to hear from you!


Supporting yourself through change with the help of crystals

For me, fall has always been the season that I experience the most change and this year was no different. As I look back on the past few months, I have noticed that crystals have played a major role in both catalyzing and supporting me through the change. I haven’t quite figured out how to roll with the punches yet so when change comes I am almost always thrown for a loop.

It all started with a crystal healing I had done on myself because I had been feeling very tired and frustrated. The session focused on my closed throat chakra and relieving the heavy emotions that were weighing on my heart. In my work on my heart I saw the image of a suitcase going around and around on an airport carousel and got the message that I needed to break the pattern that was causing the emotions to get trapped in my heart. I felt very raw and tired after the session. I felt as if, while I didn’t get very much in the way of messages, the session was very energetically intense.

The next day I found myself breaking out of a pattern of emotional turmoil and stress that I had been stuck in for years but had become more intense over the summer. I had reached the point where I was pushed to far and couldn’t put off making a change any longer.  It was a very difficult and emotional experience as I had been in this pattern for a very long time. Breaking it required me to speak up and stand up for myself in a very confrontational situation and as a result leave behind a place that had been an integral part of my childhood.

Over the next week I felt a lot of different emotions: anger at how I had been treated, fear of what was to come, sadness for what I was leaving behind, and most surprisingly hurt. I found myself reaching for the support of my crystals in a more focused and direct way than I have in the past.

One week after the confrontation I pulled stones for another healing session as I found myself needing more support than I was able to give myself on my own. Instead of a session I found myself using these stones to create a crystal grid.

When I got the inspiration for this post and started to research stones to support change I found that I had intuitively picked a lot of the relevant stones for this grid. The grid contained herkimer diamonds and jet both of which help with fear, magnetite which reduces over attachment leading to clearer energy,  and prehnite as the center stone which helps to release old feelings and move on in life.

This leads me to my first official recommendation: go with what you are attracted to. Crystals are incredibly good at showing up just when you need them. Even if you think you are just choosing a crystal because it is pretty  when you do more work with the crystal or do some research you will often find that you have chosen just the right one to help you through a certain situation.

That being said here are a few more of my go to stones for support during periods of change.

For help soothing emotions that result from breaking patterns I recommend blue apatite and moonstone. For many nights during the first week after the confrontation I fell asleep holding blue apatite and moonstone was one of the stones that I used in the healing session that acted as the catalyst of this change.  Moonstone is also helpful for fear as are jet and herkimer diamond as I mentioned earlier. Jet is one of my favorite stones. I find that it has a very soft and soothing energy that uplifts and grounds you at the same time.

If you find yourself grieving for what you have lost try Apache tear and amethyst.

Support yourself by taking the time to sit with these stones and feel the energy flowing through you body or take the time to build a grid to hold space for you even when you are not home. You can also wear the stones in jewelry or carry them in your pocket or bra. Where ever they are know that the energy of your stones will always be there for you.