Besides crystals, my other great passion in life is horses. This past weekend I had the opportunity to watch a clinician play with some horses and completely embody the principle of Parelli Natural Horsemanship, the program that I follow with my own horse. For quite a while now I have been aware of the parallels between the principles of natural horsemanship and my own spiritual work but I made a realization this weekend that I wanted to share with all of you.
One of the phrases that Pat Parelli says most when teaching humans how to better communicate with horses and build stronger relationships is that we, as humans, need to learn how to become the Ambassador of Yes rather than the Minister of No. What this means, in a nutshell, is that we need to focus more on encouraging positive thoughts and actions in our horses rather than reprimanding and saying “no, don’t do that!”. It’s all about shifting yourself into a more positive frame of mind so that both you and your horse can communicate more effectively and with more relaxation.
The more I think about this the clearer it becomes to me that this concept can be applied to everyday life outside of horses.
There is a lot of the “Minister of No” mentality in society today. For example:
“No, you can’t do that because you are too young”
“No, you can’t love that person because they’re not the right gender”
“No, we can’t buy that because. . .”
“No, we can’t go there. . . “
If you find yourself using the words “can’t” or “don’t do that” a lot you are most likely operating under the “Minister of No” mentality. It is very easy to get caught up in all of the things we can’t do. We are conditioned from an early age to notice all of our flaws and compare ourselves to others.
Personally, outside of my work with my horse, I have been finding myself getting really hung up recently on all of the things that I can’t do because I need to save money to cover my bills. The more I follow this train of thought the more “can’t”s present themselves until I am drowning in all of the things I can’t do to the point where I don’t have the energy to do anything.
Seeing this clinician this weekend and how he embodied this concept with the horses and understanding this concept in that form has really helped me to realize that I need to shift my mindset of my everyday life. Instead of focusing on what I can’t do, I need to redirect my energy into encouraging myself and reminding myself of what I can do. Like I said earlier it’s all about shifting yourself into a more positive frame of mind only instead of improving communication and promoting relaxation in a horse you are doing this for yourself.
Naturally, because I am me, I turned to my crystals for some support and further insight into this work. The stone that presented itself was unexpected but impossible to ignore in in its insistence. That stone was red jasper. Along with the stone I could also feel the energy of my friend’s last horse who just so happened to get his name from this very stone. He was an exuberant and playful young horse who was very much the life of the party much like the energy I was getting from this stone. When I held it I just got this sense of vitality and energy. When I tuned in to receive its message – and Jasper’s – this is what they had to say:
“Being the Ambassador of Yes is all about finding that invigorating energy that keeps you moving forward without falling into your ego. Once the ego takes over, you are once again become the Minister of No.”
I very much got the sense that this was about finding balance in how your energy is focused. It’s almost as if you need to keep the fire at a slow burn rather than a blaze because you need to be able to maintain conscious control over the energy otherwise, when the energy gets out of hand, the ego takes over. It’s almost as if the ego over compensates for the excess energy and confidence by dragging you back down. Also if you are throwing yourself full throttle at something you are more likely to burn yourself out at which point it can be hard to build your energy back up with you ego whispering all of your “can’ts” in your ear.
So far I have been resonating really strongly with the vibration of red jasper and feel that it is going to act as the metronome for my energy, keeping me on track and stable in my energy. I plan to spend a few minutes everyday just sitting with this stone and attuning myself to its energy so that I can become the Ambassador of Yes for myself.
I will keep you all apprised of my progress through my social media in shorter more “in the moment” type posts and I really encourage you to try this for yourself. Take a look at how you go about things in your life and take note of how many times you say “no”, “can’t” or “don’t”. Find some red jasper or any other stone that resonates with you and start to focus on what you can do:
“I can’t buy that thing right now, but I can pick up another shift and get it next week.”
“I can’t marry the person I love right now, but I can spend the rest of my life with them regardless and I can fight for our right to love whomever we choose”
“I might be young but I can plan for my future and set myself up for success”
“Just because I can’t do it now doesn’t mean I can’t do it forever. If I keep moving forward, if I keep my energy strong, I can do anything.”
Hello again everyone! First off I want to thank everyone who is reading this. I am extremely grateful for your support and time. As you might have guessed from the title I have been working with gratitude recently and in keeping with that it was important for me to let you all know how much I appreciate you. The concept for this post actually came to me back in February but I never really sat down and explored what it meant. Well it has come back to me, as it usually does, in a form that is ever expanding and shifting. Just when I sat down to write this my understanding of the situation grew. Anyway, let me start at the beginning so that you have a better understanding of what I am starting to ramble about.
As you may have noticed, I have been rather absent for the last couple of months. I got really busy pet sitting in April and May and got really disconnected from my crystal work in all the shuffling and moving around. I stopped working on myself consistently and fell out of the rhythm of things.
Naturally the universe had other plans. Cue the wake up call. Remember earlier when I said I never really sat down to work on this concept? Well, when I continuously ignore something the universe tends to throw hard curve balls at me to knock me on my butt and get me to pay attention. This time it was literal.
I was leaving one of my pet sitting clients houses to go and meet another client about walking her dogs the next week and I took a bad step down onto the walkway. One terrifying crunching noise later I am on my back on the ground with my feet in the air, my ankle throbbing and the phrase “F@#$ I just broke my ankle and I am alone.” running through my head. I could feel myself starting to panic and I was quick to put a damper on it so I could assess myself. I first asked myself if I could move it: yes. Can you put weight on it? Yes. Can you walk on it? Yes. All of it hurt some and I could see my ankle swelling but I was reassured that I didn’t need to call an ambulance. I got to my car immediately put some doTERRA Deep Blue essential oil on my ankle and took some arnica homeopathics.
This is when I started to cry. I am not typically one to cry when I get hurt but I was sobbing. I kept hearing the crunching noise in my head and, while the fact I could walk on the ankle reassured me some, I knew that I still had done some serious damage. All I could think about was how, if I had just seriously injured myself, I wasn’t going to be able to work. I felt guilty about the possibility not being able to do what my clients needed me to do. Then I started feeling guilty about how my parents would need to support me because I couldn’t do what I needed to do. The shock of the incident brought all of these feelings to the surface and it was really very intense.
By the end of the day I couldn’t walk on the ankle. My parents had to help me walk the dog I was taking care of and I still struggled with the guilt that they had to do this. When I started to asses why this may have happened to me now, I became more aware of how I have been struggling with these feelings of guilt for longer than I thought – probably since February when this idea of shifting from guilt to gratitude first came to me.
Naturally, as I was laid up, I had the opportunity to explore this concept and these feelings and experiences. One of the first things I realized was that this was a clear sign that I needed to slow down as I literally couldn’t move around the next day. I didn’t realize how much I had come to rely of moving and doing and go go go until I couldn’t easily get around on my own. The second thing was that I really needed to take the time to take care of myself and I needed to accept that it was okay to do that. It didn’t make me selfish if I had to call my clients and say I couldn’t walk their dog because I had sprained my ankle. Third, It was okay to ask for and accept help from others and just be grateful.
It was after this realization that I shifted my focus to gratitude. I realized that I have difficulty expressing gratitude because on a deeper level I feel ashamed for having needed to ask for help in the first place.
This is not a new thing. I have always had issues asking other people for things, even something as simple as going up to a sales associate in a department store and asking if they had more sizes. I have gotten better over the years but when push comes to shove I would still rather not have to ask. What I needed was never important enough, or at least that is what I told myself.
This is when I knew that I was just barely brushing the surface with my exploration of guilt and gratitude.
The real issue for me is around self worth. Again this is not something that is coming out of left field for me. In the back of my mind I am always aware that I am not confident in myself and my abilities. I get embarrassed when I get praised because I don’t feel like what I did was enough.
This whole experience has made me realize that it is really time to sit down and do this deeper work. This is the piece that is holding me back from who I truly want to be.
My intentions for this week were to focus on thinking more positively and communicating what I want. When I sat down to meditate with the blue kyanite that wanted to help me this week, gratitude came back up for me. The stone let me know that focusing on communicating my gratitude will help me open up my throat chakra, which is by far my weakest energy center.
So far I have found that just focusing on communicating more effectively has already done a lot as far as my confidence is concerned. I feel better about myself when I realize that saying “no” or making a decision not to do something with someone doesn’t mean that they are going to hate me. It’s not going to negatively affect my relationships if I take the time I need to take care of myself. If it does then clearly that isn’t a relationship worth having right? Definitely not.
Anyway, I still have a lot of work to do in the self-worth department but I feel like I am off to a very good start. I plan to sit down and investigate that more specifically and – of course – see what my lovely crystal guides have to say about the whole scenario.
Despite what I would like to think, change isn’t something that just suddenly happens. Change is a process. It ebbs and it flows. As you know if you have been following me on Facebook or Instagram I have been going through some pretty significant change this month and making a lot of discoveries about how I handle change. I wanted to share the full story with you all because I feel like I learn best from experiences even if they aren’t my own and I hope my story can help you identify your own habits where change is involved.
I want to start out by saying that change is not my favorite thing. I am very happy to just stay inside my little bubble of perceived routine. This change that I am experiencing now is not something that has come out of left field, taking me by surprise and causing me to make a quick decision. It is a change that I have been aware of for well over a month now. What makes it new and different for me is that my own change is being spurred be a change in one of the lives of my good friends.
My friend Michele is moving out of the country and it is all happening a lot faster than we originally expected. Michele is exceptional at flowing with change and going where she is called to go so when the timeline sped up she didn’t even bat an eye. Me on the other hand . . . not so much. It is my innate response when I feel things are moving too fast and the pressure is building I tend to slow down and back off of what I think I ought to be doing. I don’t necessarily do this consciously but when I look back I can see it very clearly.
About two weeks ago this was the state I was in. I found myself falling into an unmotivated funk that I couldn’t understand at the time. After I spent an entire day reading and ignoring my responsibilities my horse, Scout, decided to enlighten me.
When I woke up the morning after my day of reading I had a text from Michele saying that she had woken up to find Scout outside of the paddock. When she went out to investigate later she found that he had pulled down most of the upper paddock when he got out. This concerned both of us because he was going to be moving to a new place soon that only had electric. He had gotten out a couple of times before but had recently been very good about respecting the fence. I told her I would check in with him and see if I could figure out what was going on.
It turns out what I thought was about him really ended up being about me. When I first sat down to meditate with him I didn’t get much because my brain was in the way. I was worrying too much about the “implications” of his actions and how they would affect the move. When I finally calmed myself down to connect with him I kept getting the sense from him that with this breakout he was trying to bring my attention to something. From there I got the sense that he was trying to make the situation real. He was trying to make me come to terms with the fact that he was ready to move and it was time for me to make sure I was. He made me aware of the fact that I was separating myself from the fact that the change was happening, both with myself and Michele. I had been kind of sticking my head in the sand and not fully acknowledging it. He then delivered the sucker punch:
She has been so influential in your life but it is time for you to step into your own knowing and believe that you are fully capable of making these decisions on your own. It is time for you to rely on you.
In essence, he broke out of the paddock to bring attention to the fact that I needed to break out of the pattern of avoidance that I was following around this change and start making the decisions I needed to make to move him.
This opened me up to the next lesson in this whole series of events which was to trust myself and not get caught up in my mind.
Because he had broken out of the electric fence I was now feeling really unsure about the place that I was planning on moving him because it also would only have electric and he was going to be there by himself for a while. Michele had also suggested to me after he broke out that he may need a busier, more stimulating environment where I could ride and work with him more.
Not knowing what to do, I worked myself up into quite the anxious worried mess over the next couple of days trying to figure out what the “right” decision was. I over-analyzed every thought and feeling trying to find the answer. I knew I should try and take this opportunity to learn how to better handle change but I couldn’t figure out how to stop myself from over thinking everything and get out of my head. I was making a mountain out of a mole-hill.
After a few days of this I was finally able to have a long conversation with Michele about everything I was feeling. She told me that it was all about identifying what I needed and then gathering information without letting my brain run away with me. In talking through everything with her I also became aware that Scout didn’t really care where he was as long as I was there and I was able to work with him more than I had been. This was all about me, as it had been from the very beginning.
And then – once again – the kicker of the lesson was delivered. Michele and I realized that I had misunderstood her. When she had suggested to me that she thought Scout would need a busier environment I had interpreted it as permanently and, because I trust her and value her opinion, I changed my plan and began looking at other places than what I had planned. What she had actually meant was that she thought he needed to be at a busier place until he was no longer going to be alone at the place I had originally planned on moving him to.
In this situation I trusted her more than I trusted myself and even though our plans ended up lining up in the end I still let her opinion change my mind about something that I had felt was the right decision. My anxiety over this whole problem stemmed from the fact that I held her opinion over mine. In our talk I realized this and she also pointed it out to me as well.
It all circles back to the message that my very wise horse gave me about stepping into my own knowing and relying on myself. I am happy to say that I am far less anxious than I was for those few days and am continuing to learn more and more about how to better handle change.
One of the strategies that has been helping me is to be present in change. One of the things that I struggled with during those anxious few days was that I was spending most of my time trying to figure out what the future was going to look like after the change than I did actually working through the change and taking the steps I needed to take. I talk about this more in this Crystal Tip Tuesday video on my Facebook page.
Another realization that I have gleaned from this whole experience is that change isn’t an event. It doesn’t have a beginning and an end. Throughout this process I have been thinking and acting like this decision I was making was a final decision and I couldn’t change it. Subconsciously my mind was telling me that I had to make the “right” decision because I wouldn’t be able to change it. This stemmed from a fear of being wrong.
The last thing I want to share with you all is what I learned about vulnerability. I have procrastinated writing this piece even though I told you all on my Facebook page and in that video that I would have it to you by then of last week. I could lie to you all and tell you it is because I have been busy with all the changes that are happening but the truth is that I had plenty of time. I have been avoiding it because I was scared of exposing my vulnerability. I felt like I was exposing weakness to all of you by admitting in writing just how anxious and out of control I felt and still feel somewhat. Exposing your vulnerabilities to others, I have realized, also opens you up more fully to yourself exposing all of your fears not just the ones that you are choosing to share. They all want to be acknowledged but often times we don’t know how to do that so we lock them away. There is something very freeing about sharing or exposing your vulnerabilities, even if it is just with yourself. Sit down and ask yourself what makes you feel exposed; What don’t you want other people to see? From there you can work through why you feel that way and move towards fully acknowledging and accepting what you are afraid of.
I strongly believe that all the work I have been doing with my stones this year has prepared me for this series of changes that are occurring. I have written about self-love, forgiveness and fear and all of the strategies and stones involved in that work have acted as support for me in the last couple of weeks and onward.
I wanted to share this experience with you all because we all experience change and if my experience and the lessons that I have learned can help someone else than I want to share them. If you have any questions or just need someone to bounce your ideas about change off of please don’t hesitate to contact me. I am happy to help in any way that I can.
When I first began writing this piece I did not expect it to become this deep and meaningful dive into how to deal with fear. I set out wanting to share with you guys how my creativity in the last few weeks has shed light on to some fear and self doubt and then share the guidance the crystals had on the matter. The crystals had other plans however, and what I thought was going to be simple and light has been revealed to be much more meaningful than I could have ever imagined. With that being said, I am going to start at the beginning and share with you exactly how this experience shifted beyond my expectations.
In the past few weeks I have become addicted to making hemp bracelets. I have been creating and creating and creating all of the time. I am so in love with this feeling of creativity as it is so uplifting and expansive but this much creativity has left me with a mountain of bracelets. My intent has always been to share them with the world through an Etsy shop but I have found taking that step harder than I originally expected it to be. As I go through the process of listing all of my creations – a daunting feat considering the number of them – my desire to create just keeps getting stronger and stronger. The more I create the more I learn and the more my pieces express my growth.
This growth then makes me insecure about sharing my earlier creations. I wonder if I should even post them. What if people don’t like them? My ego has begun supplying me with a number of reasons why should not share my work, most of which circle back to me feeling like they aren’t perfect. I was afraid of pieces being received as sub-par in comparison to some of my others.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this fear went much deeper than just self-doubt. It was a deeper feeling that I knew had been there for a while and was holding me back from being my true self and stepping into what I am meant to be doing.
It is a fear of being seen.
I am super confident behind a keyboard and in my writing and I think that is because I don’t have to experience first hand someone’s reaction to what I am saying. When I talk to someone in person or even put myself out there on social media in a more active way I am opening myself up to judgment and criticism. Now, I have been stepping out of my comfort zone in the last month and a half and have become more visible by posting more on social media and starting a video series on my Facebook page but I have still been struggling with reaching out to people personally.
When I talk to someone personally, more so in person than through text or email, my nerves and fear of judgement and criticism get the better of me and I lose my voice. I then feel like I am not representing myself well and I get frustrated with myself. After the fact I ask a lot of what if questions and dig a pretty deep hole of self-doubt for myself. So I find myself avoiding this type of interaction.
Thus, my creativity in the last couple of weeks has allowed me some reprieve from this fear, but now, as I start listing y work and stepping out into the open it is coming up again. Now, in order to move forward I had to do some work around this. Immediately after I made the decision to work with this fear my large Herkimer diamond came to mind to support me and as I prepared to sit and do the work my apophylite and stilbite combination also jumped out to help me.
Both of these stone felt super high vibrational from the moment I picked them up and were more than ready to dive into the work. I got the sense that the Herkimer diamond was going to be speaking to my fear and that the apophylite/stilbite was going to speak to my creativity. I felt that both of the stone together were going to clear unwanted and unhelpful patterns from my energetic body. Before I had even picked them up to meditate I could feel the shift in my body. The stones had a lot more to say than I was expecting and not just about what I was going through, but about fear in general. Herkimer diamond started things off with this lecture:
“Your fear comes from a place deep inside you left mostly unexplored. Your mind skates over it in favor of more bright and shining places but it still lingers, silently weighing you down.
When you give your fears a voice, when you let them express themselves two things can happen. 1) The fear can be released or 2) the fear can consume you.
Despite how it might feel, you have control over both outcomes. This control comes from how you choose to receive your fear and is tied deeply to the stage you are at in your life. Your environment and outside influences can affect how you receive your fear. If you seek your fear before you have fully identified it you will find yourself surprised by it and slipping into option two.
If you have steadily observed it, making note of when and where it appears in your life you are more likely to experience option one.
This is not to say that one option is right and one option is wrong. You can learn a lot facing a fear before it is ready to be released. You can gain insight into the birth of the fear, its growth and development through your current life or the lives of your ancestors.
Each time you face the fear you learn more and more about it and the more you learn about it the less it consumes and controls you. The more you seek to understand it, the more it transforms from fear into motivation. You embrace it. It becomes a part of you and you find that you eventually end up at option one.”
Apophylite/stilbite jumped in right where the herkimer left off:
“When that fear is integrated you are given a direct line to your soul. Those moments after you have fully accepted a piece of yourself for exactly what it was are the pinnacle of peace. Bask in that energy, allow it to fully penetrate every cell in your body. Let it bring you visions of your future and of your past. Feel what it means to truly love yourself. Pay attention to your dreams and the people you attract into your life. Observe how accepting a piece of yourself has shifted your reality.”
For minutes after these messages came through I just sat and basked in the energy of these crystals. I held the apophylite/stilbite to my heart and felt shivers through my body as I thought about my fears. I felt the clarity of these crystals clearing the energy from my body. I do not believe that these fears are fully released and integrated but I do feel lighter and brighter and more joyful moving forward.
I also caught a glimpse of some other fears.
The key for me will be not to get discouraged by the appearance of more fears. It only means that I am growing, that I am moving through the lessons that my soul has to learn. This shift doesn’t happen overnight and I urge those of you that are facing your fears realize that it is okay to slip. It is okay to step back and take time to gather yourself.
That being said, I would highly recommend using crystals to help support you in this work. Even if you don’t have access to herkimer diamond or apophylite/stilbite I urge you to sit down with the stones that you do have and let them help you. Choose one stone to support you in facing your fears and another to help you sit in the vibration afterword. Remember that there is no right or wrong to this. Choose the stones that draw you to them.
Remember also that this is not necessarily a “one and done” exercise. I most definitely need to spend some more time sitting with this exercise and working through what presents itself to me. Take the time it takes. It’s about the journey.
As always, I would love to hear about any experiences you have in your own work with crystals and fear. The more I work with crystals the more I realized that they are so much more than just tools to be used. They are our guides through this work, sharing their energy to shift us into a better state of being. I am forever grateful to them for sharing their gifts with me and in turn allowing me to share them with you!
This whole adventure started when I sat down and selected stones to support me in my weekly intentions. This particular week I had decided to work on something that had really been nagging at me: forgiveness. In the last few weeks of February I began to notice that there were a number of instances where I had been reminded of past events that had hurt me. I realized that I still had a lot of unresolved emotion around these events and the people involved and became aware that holding on to these emotions was holding me back from moving forward. I decided that I needed to do some more focused work with forgiving myself and others and what better way to do this than with crystals!
Funnily enough, the night before I chose the stones I was guided a forgiveness ritual as I was journaling before heading to bed for the night (Stay tuned this comes into play for you later ;p) . It just made perfect sense at that moment that forgiveness was going to be what I was working on for the week. Anyway, the stone that jumped out as my guide in this work was a small zoisite heart that I have had for a very long time. Despite having it for so long I had never worked with this stone as extensively as I have in the past week and a half.
It immediately struck me as significant that this stone was both green and shaped like a heart as I knew intuitively that this forgiveness work was going to be completely heart centered. However, when I sat down and tried to connect into the stone I wasn’t getting any messages. Through a lot of trial and error I have learned not to jump to the conclusion that this means I will not be able to do the work I want to do. Instead, I start asking myself or the stone questions become aware of any impressions I get or thoughts that pop into my mind. In this case, when I paused to ask questions another stone popped into my head that had also been catching my eye a lot in recent days: a heart shaped golden sheen obsidian. It struck me immediately once again that this stone was heart shaped.
This time, when I sat down to meditate with zoisite in my left hand and obsidian in my right, the information just started flowing.
I knew immediately that this was going to be a writing experience. I knew that the only way I was going to be able to convey the significance of this work was to provide all of you with a detailed account of my own personal experience. Next came images of landscapes – grassy plains, mountains, open sky. All of them were empty. All were still and quiet. I just sat and basked in this stillness finding it refreshing and incredibly peaceful. It is at this point that the true name of this experience was revealed to me: “Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness”. The longer I sat however, the more I felt like something needed to be drawn out from behind my heart in order to access the feelings I needed to do the ritual that I had thought up the night before. To help pull these feelings out I held the obsidian to my heart for a few minutes.
I started to feel very raw and a little shaky – like a shift had been made energetically.
I was then guided the image of a crystal grid in a lemiscate or figure eight/infinity pattern. I saw the energy flowing slowly in this grid and through me as I held the two stones in opposite hands resting on my knees and heard these words:
“You have to draw up the feelings from a place of objectivity or you are merely adding fuel to the fire.”
In other words, in order to release the negative feelings you have towards a person or event you have to draw them up with out becoming immersed in them. You have to be able to look at the experience from the outside to truly identify and name what you are releasing and forgiving in yourself or others. At this point, my brain nearly imploding from all the insight, I brought myself out of the meditation and set about building the grid pictured below. I yawned a lot as I did this which, for me, has always been a sign that I am releasing something or have experienced a significant energetic shift.
It wasn’t over yet. My second session with these stones was much more intense than the first. This session took place in the evening and as I flitted around my room preparing to do this work I kept getting this urge to do this session without any clothes on. At first I dismissed it, but the more preparation I did the stronger the feeling got and I realized that this clearly was going to be a part of the work I was doing that night.
When I sat down, the room lit by candles, the only thing in contact with my body was the floor and the stones. I removed everything that was not a part of me, including my glasses and the hair tie holding back my hair. I had to be completely and totally myself. When I closed my eyes to begin I fell immediately into this sense of stillness and heard these words:
“I sit here, stripped bare, ready to open my heart to true forgiveness. By baring my body, I bare my soul.”
After this, triangles became a very prominent theme. I saw them in my minds eye and when I opened my eyes on occasion I noticed that I was sitting in front of a triangular grid that I had made in previous weeks and that the candles I had lit were also arranged in a triangular shape.
I was also guided the image of a “mind, body, spirit” triangle where the mind and the body made up the base and spirit was represented at the point. I got the impression that this image was meant to communicate the importance of building a strong foundation by taking care of your mind and body so that you may better communicate with your more spiritual aspects. This made sense to me as triangles are one the strongest shape.
Looking back I think this concept is why I also felt called to perform a lymphatic drainage massage on my face and clear out my K27 meridian points which are located just below your collar bones on both the left and the right side of your body. I think I was preparing my body for deeper work.
Following this pattern, work on my mind came next. During this work on my body I felt very empowered and sensual. When I finished the lymphatic massage, I realized that I was really resisting this feeling of sensuality. The more I opened myself up the this feeling the more the true purpose of this night’s work was revealed. This session was all about forgiving myself for the way I have shamed my physical body and letting go of that shame by expressing my sexuality and celebrating my body.
The longer I sat there holding the stones and breathing into this feeling of empowerment and sensuality the more I could feel the energy building in my sacral and heart chakras. I was basking in the joy of accepting my physical body and letting go of shame.
I also kept seeing images of indigenous people and observing how unashamed they were to show their physical bodies. The stones closed this experience with the following message.
“True freedom is knowing you can be completely yourself, uninfluenced by the thoughts of those around you. Freedom is not outside of one’s self. Freedom is found within when one can look at themselves and say ‘I love you’.”
The morning after this work I was still feeling very light and happy and open. Everything felt still, content, and serene. I was amazed at the insights I was gaining through this work. Little did I know that the best was yet to come.
I went into my third session feeling, tired, on edge, and easily irritated. I wasn’t exactly sure why but I had been feeling this way for the majority of the day. Because of this I immediately felt drawn to ground myself through my Earth Star chakra (This chakra is located about six inches below your feet and is highly attuned to the energy of Mother Earth). When I closed my eyes, I felt like I was seconds away from falling asleep where I was sitting. In my mind’s eye I could see the lemiscate shape of the grid and feel the energy moving through it. At first the energy was racing around, but the longer I sat there the more I realized that I could control the flow of the energy and got the impression that the illusion of feeling out of control is what made me anxious and frustrated.
I could also feel a tightness in my heart chakra and got the message, “What are you holding on to?” I tried to let go of the tightness and this helped some but I found that without truly identifying and putting a name to what it was I was holding on to I could not fully let go of it.
When I paused to record this information an experience immediately popped into my mind that could be related to all the emotions I had been feeling that day. Two and a half years ago I went out to Iowa with the intention of going to chiropractic school. When I arrived out there I received my first ever energetic two-by-four to the side of the head that knocked me clean off what I perceived to be the path leading to the rest of my life. I won’t go into the details here as it is a long story (you can read it here if you want all the gory details). Needless to say it was a highly emotional experience that had me returning home less than a week after arriving.
As I sat writing, I realized that the tightness I was feeling in my heart was the fear that something like this event would happen to me again. I desperately want to make sure that I am living out my true purpose. I love doing so many different things that I often confuse myself and manufacture my own anxiety by trying to make myself choose between them. This experience was making me aware that I need to learn to identify the difference between feeling uncomfortable because I am growing and changing and feeling uncomfortable because I am not being myself.
Now that I had given a name to the feeling I felt that I was finally ready to truly let go of it and let me just say that it was one of the most powerful experiences I have had working with crystals. When I picked up the zoisite and obsidian from the grid I immediately felt a lot of energy move up and down my spine making me shiver and be unable to sit still. I breathed through this until I became acclimated to the energy. Then I began to speak.
Out loud I began to name all of the feelings that I was letting go of around this. Among them was the fear of it happening again and the blame I had been placing on myself for allowing it to happen in the first place. This led to a huge emotional release where I finally felt all of the emotions I had buried. To put it simply I started balling which is something that is completely out of the norm for me.
I also remember specifying to myself that letting go does not mean forgetting, it just means that you are no longer letting those past thoughts, events, people, or feelings to affect you. They will always be a part of who you are but they no longer have control.
After this releasing phase I began to vocalize all of the things all of the things that I was accepting. Funnily enough I cannot remember many of these.
As I approached the end of this night’s work, I expressed the fear that I would still feel all of these feelings after this experience. In response I received the message “there are no quick fixes” and got the impression that not all of my problems were going to be solved in one night. I am on a journey of never ending self improvement and that means that I will forever be learning and growing from my experiences.
This experience was so profound for me that I couldn’t help but share it with you. This grid is one of the strongest I have ever built and by no means do I feel like I am done working with it. Embracing Forgiveness through Stillness has become my intention for the month of March and this grid will be set up for the duration of this month – if not longer. I invite you to take a few minutes and sit in its energy and let it guide you in your own healing experience. In these three sessions this grid has revealed to me three aspects of my being that I was not aware were having such a profound effect on my life.
That being said, I want share with you all the forgiveness ritual that that I mentioned at the beginning of this post. In this video I guide you through your own healing work with a stone of your choice or with this grid. I hope that helps you identify and release what is holding you back. I would love to hear about your experience!